


Hostage

by littlemissstark315



Series: We’re not friends; we’re family [9]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Forced Drug Use, M/M, Psychological Torture, Telling a victim to kill themselves, Torture, felix is an asshole, i don’t know how to tag that, just this whole story is one big trigger warning, semi-graphic rape scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: Felix and Locus get word that there are some weapons that fell through the cracks of the clean up of project freelancer and they want them.They kidnap Wash in hopes he’ll talk but he’s more stubborn than Felix ever thought so he gave the guys at Base a call. They have 48 hours to give the information they need or Wash dies.





	1. Chapter 1

  
When wash woke up it was with a sharp, blinding headache. He felt like he could barely open his eyes from the pain.

He went to move his hand to his eyes when he found them bound by some sort of cable, in fact now that he feels more aware, it’s nearly cutting into the skin. Which means he no longer has his armor on.

Then memories came rushing back.   
They were on a mission, some intel that the pirates around their area might have more alien tech they didn’t catch the first time.

There was a fire fight. He remembered seeing Tucker using his energy sword on a guy before everything went black and painful.

“Felix, he’s awake. Get down here now.” Wash opened his eyes then, feeling his blood freeze. Fuck, this was bad. He didn’t have his armor on and the ties felt like they were constricting his blood flow to his hands.

He saw the orange and black armor walk into the room with the swagger that he always seemed to have, fuck. It was Felix. “About time. I thought that little knock on the head might have killed him.” “I told you to sedate him.” “Yeah but this was more fun.”

Suddenly Felix and his damn helmet were all Wash could see as the merc bent to his level, knife in hand. “Good morning Agent Washington, you’re probably wondering how you got here. Well word is that you know the locations of some pretty stellar weapons from good ol project freelancer.”

Wash swallowed. “Then why not kidnap Carolina?” “Because you’re too much fun. We never did get to finish what we started did we? No, your boy toy Tucker had to interrupt.” He said as he brought a finger down Wash neck.

Wash tensed, nearly panting with adrenaline and fear, breathing through his nose but he wasn’t going to go down without some sort of bite. “Or because Carolina is more difficult to kidnap. You took the easy route in taking me.” Felix took his hand away and Wash knew he hit a nerve. His arrogance is always his downfall. Felix stood up fully. “Or maybe I wanted to finish fucking that ass of yours. I mean no wonder Tucker chose you.”

“Felix! We are getting off topic!” Locus hissed out to Felix, walking closer. “We need information and that doesn’t mean your history with the freelancer.” Felix turned to him. “I’m fucking getting there. Don’t rush perfection. Because trust me, once I start, he’ll be crying like a pig, giving us all the information we need.”

Wash glared, terrified but he wasn’t going to give them any information, even if it meant his death. “I’m not telling you anything. You can do your worst, you can finish what you started with me but I won’t talk, even if it kills me.” Wash could hear the smirk in Felix’s voice. “We’ll See about that.”

Back at base everyone was terrified. Wash was missing and Carolina was on a warpath to find him and kill whoever took him, Tucker was in about the same state but right now with no answers and nothing to do but wait, he took his frustrations out in the training room.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been down there, punching the punching bag for hours, just thinking of Wash and what hell he might be enduring.

“Tucker, you’ve been down here since we got back.” Carolina said somewhat softly. Tucker was panting, ignoring the pain in his knuckles as he continued to punch the bag. “So what? I want to be ready to break Their neck when I find them.” “Trust me, I want them dead his as much as you but beating up yourself isn’t going to help.”

Tucker turned, snapping at her. “What else am I supposed to do? Just wait? While some asshole is keeping my husband as a hostage? They could be killing him-“ “They won’t kill him, he’s their leverage and source of information if that’s what they want.” “That’s not exactly a comfort Carolina.”

Carolina looked exhausted, both of them having barely done anything but attempt to find a lead or work out frustration. “We’ll Fine him Tucker. I promise. We’ll rescue Wash and have These peoples heads on a plater. But until then we have nothing to go on, no leads.” Tucker huffed. “So we just wait?” “Unfortunately. It’s all we can do.”

Tucker looked down at his bloody and bruised knuckles, he’s probably got a few stress fractures but the idea of just waiting while his husband is being put through hell, it made him see red as he turned and punched the bag again, hard, making it fly before coming back as he continued his assault.

Felix has started off fairly basic for torture. Cutting, pulling finger nails out of the bed of its finger, cigarette burns. As much as he liked making him suffer, he didn’t like the idea of taking off actual limbs; that shit is messy to clean up and risks the victim dying from blood loss or shock. He couldn’t have that.

He stripped Wash of his under clothes from the armor, leaving him naked and bleeding and gasping in pain, nearly sobbing as he grit his teeth before another cigarette was added to his shoulder.

He cried out, nearly gasping in pain. “Still not talking huh?” Felix lowered down to be face to face, tilting Washs chin with a soft touch. Forcing him to look at him. He spoke softly, like taking to a scared animal. “I can make the pain stop, just tell me what I want to know and the pain stops, you can be with Tucker again.”

Wash cried. “Tucker…” The thought of Tucker made his heart ache, he probably thought he was dead. Felix smiled in his helmet, finally he’s getting somewhere. “Yeah. You can go home to him, make love and hold each other all night. Sounds nice? Something you want?”

Wash whimpered. “Please..please don’t hurt him.” “I won’t. Just tell me what I want to know and you can go home to Tucker.”

Wash shook his head of Felix’s grasp, glaring but weakly, tears never stopping. “I told you. I’m not going to tell you anything, even if it kills me.” Felix growled, punching him square in the face, effectively breaking his nose, a gush of blood splattering Washs face. “Fuck! Fuck!”

He said as he stood quickly, pacing before taking a deep breath. “Alright. You’re proving to be more stubborn than I originally thought.”

Locus practically rolled his eyes in his helmet. “You’re going too soft on him. You can get information out of him if you did this properly.” Felix turned. “Too soft? I pulled out most of his finger nails thank you very much. After the first most people talk but you-“ He turned. “Agent Washington Are becoming a thorn in my side, you are more stubborn than I could ever think. I mean I pulled out finger nails, any people I’ve had to get information out of talk after the second finger nail is pulled. I pulled out eight of yours. I’ll be honest, I’m fucking bored with you. So before we give your buddies a call I would like to have a little fun and finish what we started before Tucker interrupted. Permission to have a little fun locus?”

Locus huffed. “Fine but make sure he can’t escape. Do not waste time.” Felix grinned. “Well merry Christmas to me.”

Wash tensed, whimpering at the thought of what Felix planned to do to him. But his thought was cut off as he saw Felix with a mallet and then quickly brought it down on his knees. Wash cried out, nearly gagging with pain, god he hoped he passed out but he didn’t as Felix broke his next knee and both shins, leaving him in a haze of agony and blood, feeling some of the bone sticking out of the skin.

Kimball was in the war room when she got a video call from an unknown source. She tensed, it could be who took Wash hostage. She answered and she was right.

Wash was center screen, tied to a chair, bloody, cut up and staring at nothing. She was startled as Felix came into view. “Hello Kimball, I’m sure you’ve guessed already that I’m not exactly on your side.” Kimball swallowed, Wash looked half past dead but Felix kept talking. “I’ll make this short: I want information on some very dangerous weapons that slipped through the cracks of project freelancer. Agent Washington here is well aware of the information I need but he refuses to talk, I mean I put him through some shit, isn’t that right wash?” He said as he went to Wash, gripping his hair and forcing him to look at the camera with a cry.

“This guy here. Fucking stubborn as a mule and honestly I’m fucking bored. You can only pull out so many fingernails before it becomes boring. So what I want to do instead is ask Agent Carolina for the information in exchange for his life. And trust me, if you refuse he’s going to die pretty painfully.” Locus came into view.

“You have 48 hours to decide. We are sending you our location, if you refuse Agent Washington will die. Rest assured we will make it painful, unless you give us the information we need.” Then the video closed.

Kimball was shaking as she used the PA system to call Tucker and Carolina. “Captain Tucker and Agent Carolina, please report to the war room immediately.”

Tucker didn’t even get his armor on as he rushed to the war room, Carolina already in partial armor as they rushed in. Carolina spoke first. “An update on wash?” Kimball sighed. “Unfortunately. Tucker, this is probably going to be very hard to watch. The kidnapers sent a video.” Tucker felt his heart beating so hard he could feel his blood pressure but he kept himself calm. “Play it. I need to see he’s alive.” Kimball nodded. “Very well.”

She played the video Felix sent and she could see Tucker’s hands gripping a nearby chair so tightly she heard the wood creaking. Once it was over he threw the chair. “Fuck!” “Tucker! I gave you a warning!” Tucker was pacing, so many emotions rattling around inside him. “I know but it’s fucking Felix. I knew he was bad news as soon as I saw him. I should have known that he’d come back.”

Carolina was quiet, looking conflicted. Kimball turned to her. “Carolina, What weapons is he talking about?” “The only weapon even the director deemed too dangerous. Project freelancer had specially made nuclear warheads that can take out half a planet.”

Tucker turned to her. “Then let’s give them the information, let’s get him back!” Carolina glared. “It’s not that simple Tucker. I know you just want to save Wash, I do too but those war heads can take out nearly an entire planet. Do you want to endanger the lives of thousands in exchange for your husband?”

Tucker glared but she had a point. “Fuck.” “Exactly. It’s not exactly easy but we’ll get him back, I promise. We have the location,we’ll have to put together a team, they won’t be easy to take down.” Kimball sighed. “Then start finding a team. You have 48 hours.”

Wash still had his hands tied, the feeling in his hands have been long gone but now they put him in a cement cell, bleeding and freezing when the door opened, reveling locus.

Wash whined as he closed the door. Locus kneeled down. “We gave your friends 48 hours to comply and since my partner has had his fun and lost interest it’s now my turn. I’m much more patient than my partner.” He finished as he showed a syringe filled with an unknown liquid. Wash was sure he would die in this cell, or at least wished he would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for forced drugging, victim being told to kill bimself, hallucinations and good ol torture.

  
It was two hours later that Kimball got sent a list of requests from Locus via video, again but thankfully this one didn’t have Wash on screen but she isn’t sure if that’s a comfort.

His requests she had a hard time compromising too.

No teams, just Tucker and Carolina, no armor. He stated he will know if they betray these requests and will then kill Wash on the spot.

She told Tucker and Carolina these new requests. Carolina was seething but trying to keep her temper under control. “How the hell are we supposed to rescue him then? If we sneak a team in and he finds out, Wash is gone.”

Tucker was pacing, anxiety making him restless if not a bit shaky. “Why can’t we just tell them the location? Couldn’t we try to beat them there and disable these nukes?” Kimball looked at him. “That sounds like a stupidly dangerous idea but..not a bad one.”

Carolina looked at Kimball. “You can’t be serious, Do we even know anyone that can disarm a nuke of that size?” Tucker perked up. “What about Simmons? He always seemed like he can hack shit. He’s a smart one.” Carolina sighed. “Maybe but we only have 46 hours left.”

“Ok but do we honestly have a better plan?” Carolina glared at him. “And what if Felix is lying? What if we give him the information and they kill Wash regardless of of us complying?” Tucker took in a shaking breath. “I know. I know it’s a shity, stupidly dangerous idea, for everyone, and Felix could kill him in front of us as some sort of display. But you said it yourself, these weapons they want can wipe out nearly an entire planet. We can’t let them get their hands on them. How many are there anyway?”

Carolina looked away. “Only two. Get Simmons down here, this is our best plan, if not a bit suicidal.” Tucker was running out the door.

After Locus left, injecting him with god knows what (Wash hoped it was poisonous or would accidentally kill him) he felt good.

Really good. So good it terrified him. Why was he feeling so happy all of a sudden? A giddy laugh creeped its way up his throat and he couldn’t stop himself

Outside the door Locus and Felix watched through the small window, hearing the laughter from the cell. Felix made a face under his helmet. “I have to say that’s creepy even by my standards. Why did we give him Meth again?”

Locus glared over at Felix, hidden under his own armor. “Because his body will become dependent on it. Within eight hours this dose will be gone from his system, leaving him to crash and I will administer another dose and repeat the process over. His body will be craving another fix badly which I will then offer for the information we need.”

Felix nodded. “Alright. Better work because this is just entirely too much work.” “And this is why I never leave you in charge of extracting information.” “Whatever, I at least have fun when I do it.” Locus turned to him fully. “Extracting information isn’t supposed to be fun, it is your job.”

“And who says you can have fun at your job? Speaking of fun-“ locus heard the smirk in his voice as he continued. “Care if I have another round with him? It’s bound to be interesting when he’s hopped up on meth.”

Locus was nearly growling. “You are impossible, go check the parameter and stay guarded. I allowed you your fun today and that was it. Now go.” Felix huffed. “Fine. Don’t think this is over.” He said as he walked away.

Locus looked in the window, seeing Wash staring at the wall, eyes darting everywhere as he kept laughing every so often but he noticed how red his hands are. He opened the cell door and walked in.

Wash was laughing quietly but his eyes looked like he was crying. He was a mess of emotions. “Locus..what…what did you put inside me?” As soon as he said that a laugh escape but it mixed with a sob and Locus internally agreed with Felix; this was creepy.

As he kneeled down he cut the ties off Washs hands. He stayed quiet, leaving Wash terrified of what he injected him with but wondered why he was untying his hands. He asked, voice wobbly and thick. “Why are you untying me?”

“Because I do not want to have to amputate your hands. It’s messy and you could bleed out. We can’t have you die before we get the information we need.” “Oh.”

Is all Wash said before he was crying as he felt blood rushing to his hands. It hurt so bad, like they got dunked in the coldest water, pins and needles engulfed his hands before locus took one hand in his. “Now that they’re untied I have to make sure you won’t be trouble.” He took his wrist in hand and bent it back far enough to break it, hearing bone crack under his hands as Wash cried out in pain, sobbing but still feeling laughs erupt from him like some weird word vomit.

Locus did the same with the other wrist before walking out of the cell, leaving Wash alone and tilting on the edge of sanity.

Wash was left alone for several hours. He felt euphoric for two hours, after that he started seeing things, seeing project freelancer again, Sigma taking over Maine.

Sigma was in front of him, speaking as if he were talking about the wether. “Look at this Maine, pathetic isn’t it? You should have. Killed him when you had the chance; wasted opportunity.”

  
Sigma kept talking, feeding him false words and lies. “You deserved so much better Maine. Tucker Deserves so much better.” Wash chocked back a sob, curled up as tight as his injuries would allow.  
“No one would even miss him if he were gone. What’s the point in living then? Yes Maine I agree. I think David should kill himself. It would be better for everyone.”  
  
When locus arrived Wash was crashing and shaking. He got the syringe with Wash begging him tearfully. “Please..no..stop..” locus stopped. “Will you tell me the location of the weapons we want?” Wash shook his head with a sob. “I can’t..I can’t… just please..stop.”

Locus hesitated on the injection site, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest. He buried it down as he gave him the second dose of meth before leaving, making a mental note to check him in two hours.

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Simmons was lost. “You want me to disarm a nuke? That is if we get there before Felix?” Tucker let out a breath. “I know, we’re asking a lot but I’ve seen you hack things before, you’re a computer nerd.” “There’s a big difference between a computer and a goddamn nuke!” Simmons said, feeling panic crawl its way out of his chest as he started pacing. “And what if we don’t get there in time? What if they beat us? What if-“ “Dude, I know it’s a huge risk but it’s the only plan we have.”

“Hey what’s going on?” Grif said as he walked down the hall, seeing Tucker and Simmons in his doorway. Simmons went to him quickly in his panic. “They want me to disarm nuclear warheads!” Grifs eyes widened. “Why? What’s going on?”

Tucker walked over to them. “We have a stupid dangerous plan of telling Locus and Felix where the weapons are, they release Wash and we have a team beat them to the nukes and disarm them that way even though they have them they can’t be used.”

Grif huffed. “That is stupid dangerous. What if they kill Wash as soon as they see you?” “It’s a risk, we know but Wash would want us to make sure no one can get a hold of those weapons, even if it meant his life.” Tucker had to look away, the idea of being without his husband, becoming a widow, hurt more than he could ever imagine.

“Wash is a noble idiot like that.” Grif said before looking at Simmons. “Just be careful ok? I don’t want to be left alone with these idiots.” Simmons huffed. “Don’t you care that they want to to disarm a nuke? What if it blows up?” “Then let’s hope it blows up the side we’re on.” Simmons squeaked anxiously. Grif chuckled. “Dude you got this. I’ll be in our room. I feel a food coma coming on.”

Tucker gave him a look. “Dude don’t you care Wash could die? He’s your friend.” Grif turned. Sighing. “If you haven’t noticed napping and eating is how I deal with shit. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a bed with my name on it.”

Grif walked in and closed the door. Simmons frowned. “He’s actually pretty scared for wash. He’s one of his closest friends so he’s scared of losing him but he’s dealing with it as if it’s not a big deal.” Tucker nodded. “Well then com’on, time for a crash course in nuclear warheads.”

Wash was shaking after the second dose of whatever Locus gave him. The euphoria from the first dose is long gone and when the second dose came he couldn’t stop shaking, feeling like bugs were crawling under his skin.

He tried in vain and agony to scratch his skin, to make the feeling stop but it only made his broken hands hurt as he sobbed and gasped. “Stop…stop…have to..stop..”

Locus walked in, syringe in hand as Wash saw him, sobbing like a child. “No.. please..” “This is not the drug I have been giving you. This is used to ward off a drug overdose, it can make what you’re feeling stop. For a price. Give me the information on the weapons and I will make the feeling stop and return you to you’re base.”

Wash couldn’t stop shaking, the feeling of bugs under his skin felt like they only got worse but he shook his head, letting out a gasp. “No…I can’t..” Locus growled as he stood. “You are more stubborn than we ever thought.”

Wash cried. Laying limp on the cement floor. “I don’t…I don’t know where they are…” Locus kneeled down. Grabbing him by the hair. “What?!” Wash swallowed. “I don’t know where the weapons are. I didn’t even know they existed until you kidnaped me. I thought we got them all.”

“Are you saying all of our effort had been for nothing?” Locus said with a growl. Wash swallowed the lump in his throat and ignored the crawling feeling under his skin as he spoke. “Would you have believed me before?” Locus stood up quickly, practically throwing Wash to the ground as he stomped out of the room to find Felix.

He found Felix practicing his knife throwing. Locus stomped over, grabbing him roughly by the shoulder and turned him around. “Did you know the freelancer doesn’t know where the weapons are or that he doesn’t know about the weapons at all? Where did you get your information on these weapons?” “It’s from control, they told me to take Carolina but they were both with project freelancer, figured it wouldn’t matter as long as it was a freelancer.”

Locus growled. “You idiot! For the past twenty hours we have been interrogating the wrong person! He doesn’t know about the weapons! You only took him because of your history with him, he would also be easier to take than agent Carolina.” Felix pointed his knife at him. “Shut up. We can fix this. Carolina and Tucker are going to be on their way here, they’ll hand over the information we need. That group of theirs is just so disgustingly close.” “You took a risk!”

“I took a calculated risk.” Felix huffed out. “You’re so overdramatic, how do you know that wasn’t my plan all along? Even if mr. stubborn knew the location, he wouldn’t tell us, wanting to save people and all that jazz but Carolina would do almost anything to save her teammates, especially after so many friends she’s lost. Wash is her closest and only friend left from project freelancer. Just trust me Locus, she’ll give us the location, in the meantime, who says we can’t have a little fun with him while he’s here.”

Locus felt it again. That pang of guilt, it felt heavier now with this information. Washington didn’t know of the weapons or their locations so they’ve been torturing him for hours for nothing, wasting hours of time on him for nothing. Breaking an innocent man for nothing.

He walked away. He had some thinking to do.

 


	4. Chapter 4

  
“How can we save him if you keep fucking up?!” Carolina yelled, Simmons caving under the pressure of their crash course, had three panic attacks in the first hour, after his fourth Carolina felt her thin patience breaking.

Church popped out. “Carolina calm down! It was just a mistake!” Carolina turned to him, seething. “A mistake that could leave an entire planet dead! He’s going to get Wash killed! I knew this was a mistake.”

While she ranted Simmons ran off. Grif very nearly ran into him with a lunch bag in hand. He stopped him seeing how terrified Simmons looked. “Whoa, what’s going on? Did something happen to Wash?” Grif asked, terrified of the answer.

Simmons shook his head, wiping at his eyes, lip trembling. “I’m going to get him killed. I’m going to get everyone killed, this is so fucked up, I can’t do it.” He said almost quietly, out of breath and the tears never stopping.

Grif put down the lunch bag. “Hey, calm down. Tell me what is going on.” He reached out, holding his hand as Simmons spoke fast and his voice thick. “We’re doing this stupid disarming simulation and I keep fucking failing. I can’t do this, I’m gonna get everyone killed, I’m gonna get Wash killed, Carolina is already pissed at me-“ “Wait, Carolina is overseeing this? I thought Kimball and Doyle were.” “Carolina sorta took over, she’s been screaming at me all morning, it’s just too much pressure, I can’t do this.” A sob escaped, feeling like he couldn’t catch his breath.

Grif brought his arms around him, holding him close and letting him get his anxiety out but he had a few words for Agent Carolina.

Once Simmons calmed Grif handed him the lunch bag. “Here. I was coming to give you some lunch.” Simmons sniffled, holding the bag gently. “Oh. Thanks.” “Go back to our room, I’ll meet you in there.” Simons didn’t argue as he walked back to the bunks, lunch bag in hand.

Grif felt his anger rising the closer he got to the training room. He remembered Simmons saying they’re stupid simulation was going to be.

He heard Church first as he went in. “You’re not going to get the results you want if you keep screaming at him! Seriously, he’s already a walking anxiety attack waiting to happen.” Carolina had her helmet off, Grif saw she probably threw it, laying near the wall. “Well I can’t keep quiet when he’s going to get my family killed.”

Grif spoke up, walking over. “Hey, I want to talk.” Carolina just glared at him. “Not now Grif-“ “oh its going to be now.” Carolina glared and turned to him. “What was that?” Grif glared as he walked closer. “I’m here to tell you either find someone else for your simulation or go easier on him because you have him a fucking mess. I just had to calm him down from an anxiety attack you caused. So either deal with the fact he has just as much anxiety about this as you or find someone else because I don’t care if you can kick my ass from here to Sunday, I will fight you.”

Church just looked at her. “Fucking told you.” Carolina sighed heavily. “We don’t have anyone else. Dr. Grey isn’t a weapons expert in any sense, Simmons is our only known computer hacker.” Church just tilted his head at her. “I’m excuse me, I thought I was made of computer here.” “You are but I also need you with me in case Locus or Felix try something.”

Grif spoke up. “Why not take the risk? Give Church over to Simmons, have them both disarm the nuke.” Carolina looked exhausted as she looked over at Grif. “And what if someone dies because of this risk?” Grif shrugged. “Then it’s a risk you took. I didn’t say it would come out all ice cream and rainbows.”

Carolina groaned. “Fine. Since Simmons could use the help, I’ll hand you over this time.” “And apologize for all the yelling and bitching at him.” Grif added as he started walking away. Carolina closed her eyes. She really, really needed a good nights sleep that won’t happen for a while.

Wash wasn’t sure if he felt so overwhelmingly hot from the drugs Locus has been giving him or if infection has set in.

He was sweating but still felt so cold, shivering. He feels he’s become numb to the agony of his broken body. His mind kept playing tricks on him, seeing things that aren’t there.

“Wash, oh my god.” He heard Carolina’s voice, seeing her in her armor, kneeling, Tucker behind her. Wash felt a lump form in his throat, weakly trying to reach out but the pain in his broken wrist kept him from going further than a few inches. “Tucker…Carolina…help..”

Tucker spoke as he came so close to Wash face he could smell the abercrombie and fitch cologne he always used, even with his armor he can smell it. It should have been a red flag to him then that it wasn’t real, no scents could really break through the armor, it was designed for the harshest conditions.

But Wash still felt his heart soar with hope as he saw his family, his husband again. “Tucker..” “We can’t take him back like this, I mean I’m not touching that. He’s disgusting.” “Guess the only thing to do is put one between his eyes. It’ll be like putting down a dog.”

Wash sobbed, gasping. “No..no..help…” As Tucker got in front of him, pistol in hand, he sighed. “At least when you put down a dog you’re sad about it. This? This is barely a mercy kill. It’s a pity kill.” Wash was silent as he felt the cold of the barrel against his forehead, gasping for breath as he mumbled to himself. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real.”

But Tucker pulled the trigger and he started screaming.

On of their guards who was watching Washs cell (because he did not trust Felix with that duty) rushed into locus quarters. “Sir, he’s screaming l, we can’t get him to stop.” Locus growled as he walked past him. “Did anyone provoke him?” “No sir, I was just standing outside the door. I heard talking and crying but that isn’t really different but then he started screaming.” Locus opened the cell and recoiled at the sight.

Wash was screaming, attempting to hold his head with his broken hands. Locus couldn’t take it. He turned to the guard. “Make sure Felix does not interfere.” He walked out and down to his room where he kept the drugs they’ve been using.

He grabbed one he had hoped they didn’t have to use, making Wash slightly less of a bargaining chip but his guilt and ears can’t take it. This was a mercy he was doing, what was he becoming? Who was he to have mercy on one of his victims?

He walked back into Washs cell. Wash attempted to struggle out with a few pitiful cries. “No…no, no more..” Locus ignored him as he grabbed his arm and injected the liquid into him. Within a few moments Wash was unconscious; an induced coma. He’ll be at peace, at least until his rescue.

If it were a better man he would hand over Wash right now but control wants these weapons and he’s not sure if he’s ready to be that soft just yet.

But he does know he regrets kidnapping Agent Washington.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

  
As Church’s orders Carolina left he and Simmons alone while they worked together for the disarming simulation. She can check on them after two hours.

She watched the clock anxiously, each minute ticking down to possibly rescuing Wash and getting Felix’s head on a plater or Washs death.

She hates uncertainty and she hates she isn’t in control of anything. She felt her own anxiety creeping up but she pushed it down, taking a few deep breaths and washing her face with cold water.

God she really needed Wash. She never knew how much of a peacekeeper he was, not until he was gone. He was always her voice of reason and now it might be gone forever.

The two hours were up. She huffed a breath, placing her helmet back on, covering the bags under her eyes and haunted look.

She walked into the training room to hear Church talking to Simmons. “Knew you could do it, just needed the right teacher.” Carolina had to smile at that, crossing her arms. “Am I not a good teacher?”

Church turned to her, floating by Simmons armored shoulder. “Screaming at them isn’t a teaching method. While you were banned from here Simmons and I successfully disarmed the simulation nuke five times. You thanking me can start now.”

Carolina sighed. “Ok. I was a little out of line, I’m sorry Church. And Simmons, I’m sorry for earlier.” Simmons just shrugged. “I’m not mad. You’re under a lot of stress right now. We’re all scared.” She let out a breath. “Yeah. Scared.” It wasn’t emotion she was familiar with. “Do you think we’re ready?”

Church looked at Simmons. “What do you think?” Simmons was quiet, now it was real. He wouldn’t be disarming a fake simulation nuke. It would be real with real errors. “As long as you’re helping.” “That’s what I’m talking about. Go get Tucker, I think we’re ready to get Wash back.”   
“I’ll let Kimball know, I want to leave within twenty minutes.”

They got their teams together, Grif volunteering as driver to go to the warheads. Carolina just looked at him as he stood next to Simmons. “Can you get us there fast but safe?” “Dude, I was the driver for red team for years, I think I can manage.” They had Palomo and Bitters as there away team to watch over Simmons while he disarmed the nuke.

Tucker joined them, putting his helmet on. “Did I miss the briefing?” Church huffed. “Not much to brief for you and Carolina. You two are going to talk to Locus and Felix and rescue Wash while our away team goes to the nuke to disarm it.” Tucker nodded. “Then let’s do this.”

Locus had hoped Wash was at some sort of peace in his induced coma but seems he was very wrong about that. The guards keep reporting to him that he keeps whimpering and crying in his sleep, an occasional scream,   
along with talking in his sleep, crying out Tucker’s name often, followed by the chanting of no.

Wash was back on that mountain, Maine towering over him without his armor. He almost forgot how warm his eyes were. By now those warm eyes had tears in them as Sigma spoke up. “You killed us David. Agent Maine is very…hurt by that.” Wash swallowed the growing lump in his throat as his eyes watered. “I had to..I’m sorry. You were gonna kills us. I didn’t want to. I loved you.”

“Is that why you had to kill me?” He turned, seeing Agent South Dakota, glaring with hurt in her eyes. Wash Couldn’t argue with her. “I’m sorry..I’m so sorry.. I didn’t want to kill anyone.”

He saw a flash of pink armor and let out a shaking breath. “Is that why you shot me? Tell me again how much you didn’t want to kill me.”

Sigma was suddenly next to him. “Yes David. Tell us how you didn’t want to kill us David.” Wash walked back, backing away from the AI. “No..I …I did what I had too..”

“Are you telling that to us or yourself?” Wash turned sharply, suddenly Tucker was the only one there, glaring him down. Wash walked closer. “Tucker…you know me..you love me.” Tucker just glared. “How can I love a monster like you?”  
  
Wash stopped, feeling like he got punched in the chest. His voice came out thick. “Don’t..don’t say that..I love you.” “Yeah well I’ve never loved you. How can I love someone this awful? You’re damn lucky for that ass, I have to admit, you are a really fun lay.”

Wash chocked on his tears as Sigma appeared next to him. “What did you think was going to happen getting into a relationship with him? That you would live happily ever after?”   
Tucker laughed at that, taking the wedding ring off and throwing it at Wash, making it pelt off his head and into the snow. “Fuck that. I want to get laid, not settle down like an old person. You’re so fucking pathetic, you should kill yourself. I mean no one wants you other than that sweet ass, what use do you have now?”

Wash had fallen down to his knees in the snow, sobbing as he grabbed that thrown wedding ring and holding it tightly. “No. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” He chanted to himself.

Back in the real world Tucker and Carolina made it to the base Locus sent. This is where Wash had been for the past thirty plus hours. Being put through hell, will he even be alive in there? Carolina nudged him. “Con’on, stop spacing out. They’re expecting us.”

The guards moved Wash, dragging him down the hall and to the room he was in before he was moved to a prison cell. Wash was in between consciousness and coma, the drug either wearing away or wasn’t enough leaving him in a limbo of reality.

Locus met them inside. “I trust you have the location.” Carolina glared, even if it wasn’t seen through her helmet. “You’ll get it when we see Wash is alive.” “Very well. Follow me.”

Tucker’s heart was racing, he felt the urge to run and find Wash and get him out of here and get him home.   
But he couldn’t jeopardize the mission, he couldn’t risk Washs life like that.

But when Locus opened the door he almost ran, If Carolina hadn’t stopped him, catching his arm. “Wash!” He called out in worry, seeing how broken he is. Half his bones looked broken, bruises were everywhere and his head lolled to the side, eyes open but unseeing. Tucker nearly growled. “What did you do to him?”

Felix came out from the shadows, flipping his knife. “Nothing that I didn’t want, I can tell you that. And boy you sure do know how to pick’em Tucker, that ass of his is tight!” Tucker remained still, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Carolina spoke to him lowly. “We’ll kill him, I promise. Stay calm.”

Felix leans his arm on Washs shoulder as if he were furniture. “So about that location.” Carolina spoke. “I’m sending it to Locus now, he can send it to you and confirm it.”

Locus did just that, sending the location to Felix who nodded. “Alright, Alright. I see you’re a woman of your word. You can have him back, I’ve had my fun.” Felix had his knife flipping in his hand and Tucker had a bad, bad feeling about what he was going to do with it.

He also almost slit Washs throat when Locus brought his pistol to Felix’s helmet clad head. “Drop the knife and stand back from agent Washington.” Felix just stared. “Are you serious? You’re honestly giving him up to them? I mean what kind of message are we sending?” “They kind that shows we keep our word. Back away from agent Washington now or I will shoot.”

Tucker and Carolina were at a loss. Tucker spoke up. “What is going on?” Carolina shook her head. “I have no idea but I think he just betrayed Felix.”

Felix backed away, Locus keeping his gun on him as he signaled Carolina and Tucker over. “He’s yours. I will keep this idiot from interfering.”   
As Tucker and Carolina rushed to Wash Felix had his hands up as Locus kept the gun on him. “What the hell is this locus? What, did your heart suddenly grow three sizes today?”

Carolina started cutting the straps from Washs wrists as Tucker held his head, wishing he didn’t have to wear this armor, wanting to feel skin on skin, wanting Wash to see him and not his helmet. Even though Wash couldn’t see through his helmet, his voice gave him away as it broke and became thick. “Wash..baby..we’re here. We got you. We’re gonna take you home.” Wash was barely blinking and Tucker had enough, yelling over at Locus. “What did you give him?”

“I attempted to induce a coma to make the rest of his time here more..peaceful. It failed. It wasn’t enough of a dose.” Carolina threw the rope away. “So he’s heavily sedated?” “In a sense. His mind goes in between being awake and being asleep.”

As soon as Tucker started to move him to carry him Wash was crying out in pain. Tucker kept himself from crying as well, he hated he accidentally brought his husband more pain. “I’m so sorry. I know it hurts..”

Carolina and Tucker got Wash out fairly smoothly, getting him set up in the back of the Jeep as carefully as possible. Tucker staying in the back with him as they drove off.

Tucker did his best to keep him comfortable but with the bad shocks of the Jeep and the rough terrain it made it impossible. Wash kept crying out in pain, his eyes staring ahead, not at Tucker. “No..please..no more.” Tucker couldn’t take it. He took his helmet off and gloves off, Carolina seeing this from the review mirror. “Tucker what are you doing? You could be shot without your armor.” “I just need to feel him ok? Keep driving.”

Tucker adjusted and leaned his forehead against his, his glove free hand holding onto Washs hand tightly. “It’s ok baby’s, it’s ok. I got you. You’re safe now.”

This seemed to wake Wash out of his limbo as he sobbed, staring now into Tucker’s eyes. “Tucker..” Tucker smiled tearfully. “Yeah babe, it’s me. We’re taking you home.” “Please..I’m sorry..I’m sorry..don’t leave me…” Tucker was at a loss at where the sudden apologies are coming from but went with it. “I’m not leaving you, I promise. I love you so much.”

After that he “passed out” and by passing out Tucker means he went back to whimpering and staring at nothing in particular.

Once at base it was a flurry of Dr. Grey shoving her way through with her medical team. Tucker and Carolina did what they could to help her but once he was on a medical stretcher he was gone.

Carolina spoke in the comms. “Simmons, Church, Do you read me? How’s the nuke coming along.”   
Church spoke first. “Actually just finished up. Did you get wash?”   
“Yeah. He’s alive. Dr. Grey has him now.” She felt a sense of relief from church. “Good. I’ll let the others knows, we’re on our way back.”

Carolina, once inside base took her armor off and went to find Tucker who was in the waiting room of the medbay looking exhausted and just a little haunted. “Hey..” Tucker saw her, wiping his eyes. “Hey.” Carolina sat next to him. “We got him back.” Tucker stared at the wall. “But Felix is still out there. “ “I know but Wash is more important than getting revenge.” Tucker silently agreed as tears fell down his cheeks, wiping them away harshly, waiting for Dr.Grey on an update.

It might be a while.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for decapitation.

  
Tucker lost track of how long Wash was in the OR but to be honest he wasn’t keeping track, his mind a haze of worry and revenge. He never wanted someone dead as much as he wanted Felix and Locus dead. It’s not a feeling he likes.

Carolina paced as she waited, looking at the clock and counting how long it’s been. It’s been three hours. She huffed. “Three hours. It feels like it’s been five.” Tucker was quiet and for once Carolina hated that. He was never quiet, always had something to say.

Suddenly Dr.Grey was coming out of the OR, bloodied scrubs and looking exhausted. “Agent Washington is out of surgery and is going it be A ok!” Tucker spring up. “What did they do to him?” “I’m not sure you want to know Captain Tucker.” Tucker pleaded. “Please. I have to know.”

Dr. Grey sighed, for once her cheerful demeanor solemn. “The easier to fix was the broken bones. They wanted to make sure he couldn’t escape so they broke his shins and his knees along with his wrists. A few cigarette burns on his right shoulder and eight nails were removed.” Tucker felt nauseous just hearing it. “What’s the harder to fix?”

She swallowed. “They kept him on Meth. Probably a way to extract information upon withdrawal symptoms when he would be craving more but infection set in. He’s on antibiotics right now. Also Locus gave him a heavy seductive which made it very hard to work on him properly, we didn’t want to overdose him.” Carolina nodded. “Locus said he tried to induce a coma but it failed.” “But the withdrawal symptoms are going to be the worst. Well that and the mental trauma but I can’t heal mental trauma.”

Tucker spoke up. “When can I see him?” “Oh you can see him now! He’s asleep and will probably be asleep for at least the next twelve hours! I’ll show you to his room.”

Carolina and Tucker followed the genius. As she got to a door she turned to them. “I should warn you the sight is a bit shocking, he has quite a few wires and tubes in him right now.” Carolina spoke, sounding as exhausted as she looked. Now that they finally have Wash, alive and he’s going to be fine. “Open the door please Emily.” Dr. Grey nodded as she opened the door gently, letting them inside.

Tucker had to suck in a breath at He sight of his husband. He looked more vulnerable and small than he ever has been. Thankfully he didn’t have a ventilator down his throat like Tucker did when he got shot but he had a lot of wires, his wrists and legs casted up.

He heard Dr. grey talking, explaining each wire and tube. “They’re mostly for antibiotics and hydration. Other than the mental trauma and meth withdrawal he more than likely will have, he came out pretty ok!” Tucker turned, feeling his emotions explode. “Pretty ok?! He could have died, they put him through hell and you’re saying he’s pretty ok?!” “Tucker..” Carolina called out in a harsh whisper.

The good doctor frowned. “I’m sorry. I meant of the things they could have done, he came out ok. Torture victims are normally a lot worse than a few broken bones.” “Locus must have focused on psychological torture, that explains the meth in his system. Tucker, why don’t you rest? We both need it.” Emily cleared her throat. “I can grab you a cot. Excuse me.” She said as she left the room.

Carolina sighed as she left. “Tucker, I know you’re on edge but Dr.Grey means we’ll, even if she doesn’t have the best way around it. Thanks to her Wash is alive.” “I know.” He said as he ran his hands through his dreads, they were starting to fray at the ends from how many times he ran his hands over them in these past thirty hours.

“Tucker, now that Wash is safe and home you need to rest. You need to eat.” Tucker just stared at his husbands prone body, at his sleeping face. “Now I understand why he couldn’t sleep when I got shot. I just feel jumpy. Like at any second Felix is going to burst through and I have to protect him.” “Trust me, that feeling never fully goes away, you just learn to live with it. But I’m telling you, for your sake and his, have some damn water and get some rest.”

Dr. Grey came back, staying quiet as she got the cot ready when Tucker walked over to her. “Hey..I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that. Thank you for saving him.” Dr. Grey just shrugged with a smile. “Oh I can only imagine why kind of stress you’ve been put through. It’s perfectly alright. I know I have to work on appropriate bedside manner. But you blowing up is indicative of sleep deprivation and not eating for several hours. So doctors orders! Get some rest! I can bring you a small meal if you want.” Tucker just have her a small smile. “Sure. Thanks.”

He sat on the cot and looked at Wash, taking in all his casts and bandages.

Eight of his fingers had gauze on them, his wrists cast up, his legs, from knee to ankle were cast up, he won’t be walking for a while. Surprisingly his face came out the best with no injuries other than a broken nose and some bruising.

He hated that grey was right, that he technically wasn’t as bad as they thought he would be but that means his mind likely took the hit, Locus giving him Meth because Tucker knows Felix isn’t that well thought out. He had the attention span of a five year old.

Tucker laid down and actually felt tired, really fucking tired. He fell asleep as soon as his eyes closed. When Dr. Grey came back with the meal tray that had apple slices, an apple juice, soup and a bottle of water Tucker was asleep.

Carolina went to her, taking the tray. “Thank you. I’ll make sure he eats when he wakes up.” Dr, Grey smiled. “I’m just glad he’s sleeping. I didn’t think he would.” “Well he’s been up for thirty hours, he’s not used to it like Wash is.”

Kimball was going over paper work from this ordeal, telling the higher ups about the situation when one of her people rushed into the room. “Mam, you need to see this!” She stood up. “What’s going on?” “I think it’s Felix’s partner, says he’s here to surrender and he brought a..shit, I don’t even know how to explain it. You just have to see.”

Kimball followed him out to the entrance of the base, several of her people surrounding him, guns aimed and ready.

The man wasn’t in any armor and held Felix’s helmet..no..that wasn’t just his helmet.

She saw blood dripping from it.   
He brought them Felix’s head, Jesus fucking Christ.

“Locus?”   
He nodded. “Yes. I come as a surrender and I brought an offering.” He threw Felix’s helmet to the ground, making blood splatter as it landed. She felt nauseous, she could see all the nerves and muscles and part of his spinal cord.   
“Felix’s head I presume?”   
“Yes. I come to surrender and to apologize.”

Kimball was silent.   
What the hell is she supposed to do with this now? 


	7. Chapter 7

  
Kimball was in her office again after locking Locus in their holding cell. She had no idea what to do with him. She didn’t like the idea of keeping him here but since he technically wasn’t officially UNSC it wasn’t completely in their hands; damn mercenaries. Operating for whoever pays the most.

She hates the idea of waking Carolina up, or Tucker. They’ve been awake since before Wash was taken. They need their rest. She decided it could be talked about at a more decent time. Right now it was going on 1AM.

She got up and made her way to their prison. It wasn’t very big and mostly was used to break up more violent fights between her men.

She greeted the guards there as they let her in. She was met with Locus as soon as she walked in, the first cell.   
She sighed. “Locus.”

He looked up from his sitting position. “Kimball.” She nearly yawned, damn she was exhausted. “You will be staying in this holding cell until further notice. My right hands are currently sleeping and recovering at the moment so talking will have to wait until morning.”

Locus nodded. “Understood. I hope you believe that my surrender and regret is genuine.” She shrugged. “That’s not for me to decide. Good night.” She walked away, going back up the stairs and to her own living quarters to sleep for twelve hours. She deserved a sleep in.

Carolina was not expecting the news she got when she woke up in the morning. She was ordered to Kimball’s office as soon as she woke up, church giving her the notification. She frowned as she got her armor on for the day, wanting to be ready if Felix decided to visit. “Did something happen with wash?”

She asked as she got her helmet on, church talking to her. “If it was that important she would have come to you personally. It probably has something to do with his rescue.” “But we already have him.” “Hey I’m a computer not a mind reader, let’s just talk to Kimball.”

She walked into the office, full armor on. “Mam.” Kimball turned. “Carolina, good morning. I hope you slept well.” “With Wash back home and recovering, I did.” “Good. Because I have some rather shocking news. Seems this doesn’t end with him being rescued.” “What do you mean?”

“Locus showed up around midnight last night with Felix’s head to surrender. Felix’s head was a peace offering of sorts.”

Carolina was a little lost. “When you say his head-“ “I mean locus brought us his decapitated head.” “How do we know it’s really Felix? Can we run it through a DNA analysis?” Kimball sighed. “I’m not sure. We may not have any proof right now but that doesn’t change the fact Locus is in our prison being held. He says he regrets what he’s done and came here to surrender.”

Church spoke up. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This can’t be real.” “Go see for yourself. I don’t know what to do with him, he’s not technically UNSC so it’s out of our hands. If you want to talk to him you can.” Carolina nodded, just as confused with these circumstances. “Understood. Church, let’s go give Locus a visit. I have a few words I’d like to say to him.” Church looked at her. “Do this words involve your fists?” “Maybe.”

When Tucker woke it was nearly noon and he felt the guilty panic that Wash is gonna be mad when he remembered where he was.

He looked over and saw Wash still asleep in the hospital bed. He wondered how much longer it would be until he wakes up. It’s be a long time right?

His stomach grumbled, wanting food. His stomach was hurting with hunger. He saw the tray of food nearby. Grey must have brought it in after he fell into his own coma.

He didn’t want to bother the nurses to warm the food up for him (because he was not leaving this hospital room) so he took the tray to his cot and ate the cold soup and side dishes.

When Wash woke he wasn’t sure if it was real or not. If seeing Tucker, If Carolina rescue him was all just a fever dream brought on by trauma and infection.  
  
He opened his eyes once, weakly and saw it was a hospital room, more specifically it was a hospital room from the medbay at at base. He remembers every detail of the room from when Tucker was shot.

Was this real?  
Was he really rescued?  
Or is Locus and Felix going to come in with that damn drug again and hurt him?

Everything didn’t hurt for once. More numbed, floaty. He fell back asleep.

Carolina made it down to the holding cell Locus was in, helmet off, she wanted him to look in her eyes and tell her why she hurt her best friend. Locus saw her from where he was sitting on the cot. “Agent Carolina. I knew sooner or later you’d be down here to talk.”

Church spoke up, disembodied but she heard him. “No hidden weapons, he’s clean.” “Thank you church.”

She continued, talking to Locus. “At first I knew exactly what I was going to say to you but I already knew why you did what you did. You wanted information.” “Unfortunately my partner likes to make his own, rash decisions. Control wanted us to take you instead of Agent Washington. We found out too late he didn’t know where the weapons we wanted were or what they are. After that I attempted to put him into an induced coma, to have some mercy for the wrong I committed against him.”

She glared. “But you would have happily done the same to me.”   
“I would have because we had orders to extract information. My partner may have gotten a sick pleasure from hurting him but I never did. I did what I did so I could extract the information we needed and nothing more. I regret what we have done to him and I wish I could take it back.”

“Apologies won’t fix him. He might heal from the broken bones but his mind won’t be so easy to fix.” “I understand and…I’m sorry. I know it won’t fix anything I or my partner did to him but I never regretted anything more than I regret taking him. I’ll understand if you get the firing squad for me.” Carolina glared. “If it were up to me, you’d get much worse than a firing squad. I’m done here. I hope you rot in this cell.” She said as she walked away, putting her helmet on as she walked out.


	8. Chapter 8

  
Grif felt fucking relived when he heard that Wash was back at base and recovering. But they weren’t accepting visitors at the moment with the exception of Tucker and Carolina.

Which he felt was kinda bullshit.

Wash has become one of his closest friends, one of the very few who know of his depression and medication and nightmares. Those only Simmons, Kai and Dr. Grey know about. So when he tried to reason with Dr. Grey he got a bit irritated.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just want to see how he’s doing, I’m not going to camp out.” Dr. Grey spoke sounding too perky than anyone should with this situation. “I’m sorry Captain Grif but orders are orders! He likely will have a lot of anxiety when wakes up and he needs to have as little people in the room as possible for when that inevitably happens. Tucker is allowed in there because they’re married and Carolina is allowed in because of their history. And she’s allowed in because she would also punch her way through and no one wants to fight her.” Grif rolled his eyes before sulking. “Can I at least send a card or some shit?” “That would be very much appreciated by them.”

Grif turned away to walk when he thought of something. “Wait, he isn’t up yet? It been like twenty hours.” “Well his body went through quite the ordeal! Between the several broken bones, the meth withdrawal-“ “Wait, meth? They fucking gave him meth?” “Oh yes! They gave him several doses and waited for withdrawal symptoms to appear so they could extract what information they wanted. Quite ingenious actually.” Grif wasn’t sure what to think about that but he couldn’t stop his mouth. “What else did they do to him?”

When Simmons went to his shared room with Grif he found him in bed but sitting up and looking like he was thinking really hard about something.   
Simmons walked in, taking off his helmet. “Grif? Something up?”   
“They gave him meth.”

Simmons raised an eyebrow at him. “What?” “Wash. Locus and Felix gave him meth. Several doses.” Simmons sat down next to him, it wasn’t a depression episode but he was still obviously upset. “How did you find out? Isn’t that supposed to be confidential?” “Dr. Grey really doesn’t know when to stop talking and I couldn’t stop myself from asking. They broke his bones, pulled out his finger nails, raped him and kept him hopped up on meth.”

“Jesus. That’s..” Simmons was at a loss for words. After even a paper cut he’d talk, his pain tolerance having never been high. “That’s awful. “ Grif shook his head, feeling angry tears well up. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry at someone my entire life, not even when Tucker kept saying he slept with my sister.” “Yeah but what would you even do if they were here? I mean they’re both highly trained mercenaries.” “I know.”

Simmons stood up. “Why don’t we go to the training room? That’s what Tucker usually does when he’s upset.” “You mean work out?” Grif asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well yeah. You can punch things and get out all this angry energy.” Grif sighed. “I guess.” He got up, following Simmons out of the room.

When Wash woke up again he was in pain. Everything hurt. He woke with a cry, attempting to move, to curl up and try to hide but he saw he was still in the hospital room.

Tucker heard his cry and jogged over. “Wash, hey, you’re ok. You’re safe.” Wash shook his head, tears steadily falling down his face as he struggled, feeling the needles of the IVs. “No. No, this isn’t real. This isn’t real.” His hands trying to take out the IVs in his arm.

Tucker attempted to stop him, holding his wrist and arms. “Hey. This is real. You’re safe, you’re home.” Wash hyperventilated as he sobbed, still struggling. “No. No, please I’m sorry. Don’t leave me, I’m sorry.” Tucker moved his hands to his husbands face, feeling his own eyes water. “I’m never leaving you, I promise. I love you so much.”

Wash hiccuped like a child crying, still breathing too fast and Tucker couldn’t calm him down. Before Tucker could hit the call nurse button Washs eyes rolled back and he flopped back into the bed, passed out.

Tucker breathed out shakily. “Shit.” He pressed the button and soon Dr. Grey was in the room. She saw the mess of the hospital bed and the IV hanging outside of Washs arm. “What happened here?” Tucker swallowed the lump that grew in his throat down. “He woke up and had a panic attack. He kept saying that it wasn’t real. That being in the hospital wasn’t real.”

She walked over, gently reinserting the IV. “He likely had quite a few hallucinations while under the drugs influence. He also likely thinks this hospital is a hallucination. It might take some time for him to accept it is real. And since he’s trying to take out his IVs I’m going to get the handcuffs. Can’t have him doing that again!” Tucker just nodded, going back and sitting on his cot, wiping his eyes and taking a few steadying breaths as she walked out.

She came back quickly with cushioned handcuffs, handcuffing each arm to the bed best she could with the casts. “I’ll see about starting him on an antipsychotic to help with his minds recovery.” Tucker frowned. “Aren’t those used for like really crazy people? Like the ones who might hurt people?” “Well you’re not wrong, an antipsychotic will help regulate his mood and perception which means the next time he wakes up he will have an easier time believing this is real and keep away any hallucinations the withdrawal symptoms may have. It will only be temporary but he may have to be on an anti-anxiety for a long time.” Tucker nodded, unsure what to say to all of that.

Grif was punching the punching bag in the training room, Simmons giving him tips and advice since between the two of them, actually knows a bit of hand-to-hand combat. Grif never paid attention to any of those lessons. But he has to admit: it actually is helping lessen his anger. He vaguely thought of using this for his depressive episodes when he saw Carolina walk in, no armor and ready to train. She saw them. “Oh. Wasn’t expecting to see you two down here.”

Grif wasn’t sure how to explain why he was down here. He was never down here. Simmons spoke for him. “We’re just getting rid of some angry energy.”

Carolina frowned, walking toward another punching bag. “Why so angry?” Grif huffed. “Because Locus And Felix gave Wash meth, took out his fucking fingernails. Jesus Christ, Felix raped him!”

Carolina glared, walking closer to Grif. “Where did you get this information? That’s not supposed to be available to anyone.” Simmons nudged Grif. “I told you that information was classified.”

Grif ignored Simmons. “Dr. Grey. I wanted to visit him but apparently I’m not allowed.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to have a word with the good doctor but you’re not allowed to see him for a reason. He isn’t going to be mentally stable when he wakes up and we need as little people in as possible. It’s only me, Tucker and Dr. Grey, are we clear?” Grif looked away, feeling like a pouting child, probably acting like it too. “Fine. But why are you doing down here? Shouldn’t you be babysitting Tucker or something?”

Carolina looked away. “I’m down here for same reason as you; blowing off some steam. “ Simmons spoke up. “I can’t imagine you and Tucker must be feeling.” She shrugged. “It’s nothing we’re not semi-used to. But with Locus here it makes it a bit more difficult not to smash his face in.”

Grifs eyes widened. “What? Locus and Felix are here?” Carolina looked at him. “Just Locus. Apparently he regrets what he did, Surrendered to us and even brought us Felix’s decapaitated head. Kimball and I have no idea what we’re going to do with him. He’s not UNSC so it’s technically out of our hands.” Grif stayed silent to that before turning back to the punching bag.

Wash woke up again an hour later. He wad achy and tried to move but his arms were held down by cuffs. Tucker heard him right away from his chair next to the bed. Standing and approaching him like a frightened animal. “Hey, hey, just stay calm.”

Wash was already nearly hyperventilating. “What’s going? Where am I?” He struggled against his cuffs, clinking against the hospital bed. Tucker walked closer slowly, bringing his hand to his face. “You’re in the hospital, we rescued you from Locus and Felix.” At the sound of their names Wash whimpered. “No. No, please.” “They’re not here. You’re safe. It’s just me.”

“Please, I’m sorry. Don’t leave me please.” He pleaded, the tears falling steadily down his face.

Tucker had no idea what went through Washs head while he was held captive, or even what the hallucinations involved but he had an idea and he hated it. “I’m not, I promise.” He took a risk and walked closer, hugging Washs head to his shoulder, hugging him close. It always helped him during his anxiety attack, he hopes it will still help.

He seemed to help as Wash started to calm, his hyperventilating turning to heavy breathing and soon to normal breathing, a few hiccups escaping. “Tucker?” He asked, voice thick. Tucker smiled, kissing his head as his own eyes watered. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re safe. I got you.” “This is real? The hospital is real?” He asked, sounding small. Tucker nodded gently. “Yeah. It’s real. You’re safe.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

  
“Do you realize how much trouble you could be in for this Captain a Grif?!” Kimball said, Grif and Simmons and Carolina all in her office. Grif had his arms crossed, his knuckles on his right hand looking particularly bruised. “Still worth it.”

Kimball glared at him. “You could be court marshaled for this. He is a surrendering prisoner. He may not be apart of the UNSC but that doesn’t mean he can be attacked or treated poorly.” Grif shrugged. “Well what exactly are we going to do with him? I mean he can’t just stay in our metaphorical basement forever.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Whatever you do, you can not tell Tucker about this if you see him. If he knows then he may tell Wash and we cannot have that. He just woke up and his mind is stable, if he knew Locus was here that could back-step the progress he’s made.” Grif sighed. “Not like I can see them anyway.”

Carolina spoke up. “With Wash awake we have to figure out what to do with Locus.” “I say we kill him.” Grif said. All eyes were on him. He shrugged. “What? Don’t have we have a firing squad or something for this reason?” Church floated by Carolinas shoulder. “That’s dark dude.” Carolina spoke up. “But he’s right. We can’t just keep him here.”

Kimball frowned. “But I don’t feel it’s right to kill him. I might be able to contact prisons on other planets-“ Carolina interrupted. “We’re going to keep him alive? After what he’s done to Wash?” “If we kill him as an act for revenge what would that make us? We have to be the better person, we can’t stoop to their levels. Church, what do you think?”

Church looked between them. “Dude, I don’t fucking know. If we kill him that makes us no better than he or Felix but if we send him to prison it doesn’t feel like he’s gotten pay back. It’s a shitty situation with no clear answer.” Carolina spoke up. “I say we kill him. He hurt my family and I do not intend for him to get away with that.”

Grif nodded. “I, for once, agree with Carolina. He hurt my friend, no way is he getting away with that.” Simmons looked at him. “But you’ve already punched him.” “Yeah, before you pulled me away.” Simmons sighed. “Well I agree with Church and Kimball, if we kill him as an act of revenge we’d be no better than him. Plus he did kill Felix for us.”

“Allegedly, all we have is a head with his helmet, for all we know it could be some elaborate plot to finish Wash off so until we get hard proof it is his head. I say we kill him.”

Church turned to Simmons. “He’s got a point. Is our science team working on that?” Kimball answered. “The head is with Dr. Grey and her team but without hard DNA to compare it to it might be a while before we get an answer.”

Carolina crossed her arms. “Then how about this? If the head is indeed Felix’s then we do the merciful thing and send him to a prison. If it’s not, we put a bullet between his eyes.” Kimball nodded. “Sounds fair enough. I’ll let the higher ups know what our decision is. You’re all dismissed.”

After Wash woke up and was calmed by Tucker he stayed awake with no passing out ,which Tucker knew was a step in the right direction. Dr. Grey got him an IV of the antipsychotic she wants him on for his recovery that way it can bypass his stomach since that would be recovering too.

Dr. Grey smiled after got it set up and taped to his arm. “So Wash how are you feeling now that you’re really awake?” She asked.

He still looked shaky and ready to run but she said anxiety would be normal for a while. “I don’t know. I feel like I could have a panic attack any second.” “Hopefully the antipsychotic I’m giving you should help with that. Are you hungry?” “Probably. I don’t feel hungry though.” “I can bring you some small things to eat.” “Also I feel dirty.” “Well you were sexually-“

Wash shook his head. “No. That’s not what I mean. That was the least of my problems when I was taken. No, I feel dirty and disgusting. I haven’t gotten a shower in days.” Tucker gave a weak chuckle, running his hands through his his husbands hair. “Your hair is a bit of a grease ball.” Wash just gave him a look. “I’m very aware of that.”

Dr. Grey made a noise. “Well right now getting an actual shower is out of the question with all the casts but you’re gauze does need replaced. We do have some wet naps specially made for a hand bath and some dry shampoo, would those be alright Agent Washington?” He closed his eyes at hearing his full name, his hands visibly shaking. He kept himself under control. “Yes that’s fine.”

“Alright! I’ll be right back!” She walked out of the room and he felt the medication she gave him kicking in. He was becoming less shaky, he could breathe better. Tucker smiled as he sat on the edge of the mattress. “Seriously, How you feeling?” Wash looked up at him. “Better now with the medication she put me on. Who knows, maybe I’ll feel hungry soon.” “You’re probably going to be starving then.”

She came back with with a few large packages of the hand bath wet naps and a bottle. “Ok, here we go!” Wash looked at Tucker before looking back at Dr. Grey. “Can Tucker give me the hand bath?” “I don’t see why not. I can place everything right here and you guys can call me when you’re done and I can change the gauze on your fingers.” Wash gave a weak smile.

Her unrelenting perkyness never ceased to bring positivity anywhere she went. “Sounds good.” She walked out of the room and Tucker stood, giving him a look. “Are you sure you want me to do this dude? You got like three IVs in.” “You just have to be careful, that’s all.” Tucker sighed. “Alright but if I accidentally bump one it’s on you.”

He got the large wet nap package and looked it over. “So it really is a giant wet nap. Alright, let’s open it up.”

He opened it up, taking it to the small desk by the hospital bed. He helped wash sit up properly, bringing his legs over the side of the bed. “Comfortable?””Yeah. This is..it feels really good after laying in that bed for so long.” Tucker nodded and started to untie his hospital gown, taking it off and folding it, putting it on the desk.

Wash was naked but didn’t shy away from him, wasn’t acting ashamed of what happened to him. Tucker knew that was a very good step in the right direction. He saw the scaring of the cigarette burns and the few lacerations that were stitched up. “So where do you want me to start?” “I’ll leave it up to you.” Tucker sighed, wet cloth in hand. “Alright. Let’s start with your face and neck and work our way down.”

He gently wiped around the small brace on Washs nose, gently getting the creases of his eyes and ears before moving it gently around his neck before feeling satisfied and throwing it away to get a new cloth.

He worked around his shoulder, under his arm and down until he reached the cast on his wrists. He got a new cloth for the next arm. Wash gave him a weak smile. “I’m sure that cloth was still fine. You’re wasting it.” “Hey, I am going to make sure you are as clean as fucking possible.” “But-“ Tucker brought a finger to his husbands lips. “Shush. Let the master work.” Wash chuckled at that, smiling brightly. Tucker wanted to kiss him, it feels like he hasn’t seen that smile in so long. But he had a job to do and he was going to do it right.

He cleaned his other arm before throwing that cloth away too, getting a new one and working on his chest, gently going over the stitches and burn marks on his shoulder.   
He threw that cloth away and got a new one for his back.

After that was used he went through the cycle of using the cloth and throwing it away when he got to a new area. The only place he hasn’t clean was..well his private parts. He had the cloth ready but he looked Wash in the eye and asked first, not wanting to set off a panic attack. “I have to clean down there, is that ok?”

Wash let out a breath. “Yes. It’s fine Tucker.” Tucker nodded and brought his cloth covered hand to his husbands penis, gently cleaning around it, stroking it gently to clean it before moving lower to his balls, cleaning them before throwing the cloth away. It was unexpectedly intimate in a way he didn’t know could be considered intimate. He suddenly really understood the marriage vows of for better or worse. “There. All that’s left is the shampoo.”

Wash watched as Tucker moved about the room, getting the bottle of dry shampoo, reading the bottle. “Alright. How the fuck do you use this stuff?” Wash watched amused as Tucker read the back of the bottle, taking the cap off and shaking it.

“Alright, I think I got it.” He read the bottle out loud. “Aim at roots, six to eight inches away, massage through hair. Doesn’t sound too hard. Ready?” Wash nodded. “Ready.” Tucker got close, doing as directed, spraying it at the roots of the blonde hair before massaging it in.

It wasn’t long until his hair felt somewhat back to normal. “There. Think everything is done.” Wash smiled weakly. “You did a good job, Sure you don’t want to be a nurse for Dr. Grey?” Tucker gave him a look. “The only one I’m giving hand baths to is you.” Tucker brought his hospital gown back around him, tying it carefully as he pressed the call nurse button.

Dr. Grey came in with a small tray of easy to eat foods; toast, crackers, apple slices and water. “Feeling better I hope?” Wash smiled weakly at her, still feeling exhausted. “Much better. Thank you.” “Well I hope you’ll be able to eat because I brought you all kinds of stuff! Toast, crackers, apples! I can even bring in some soup!” Tucker took the tray. “Thanks. We got it from here.”

She smiled as she walked out the door. Wash looked at Tucker as he put the tray down on the little desk. “Have you eaten?” “Not much. I ate yesterday.” “You should eat something too.” Tucker looked at him as he handed him the plate of toast. “I’m fine babe. Seriously, just worry about yourself.” Wash just gave him a calculating look before eating the toast.

 


	10. Chapter 10

  
Tucker worried how Wash would handle his first night, awake and stable. Would he even attempt to go to sleep? He knows his husbands history of sleeping, or lack of. Wash is usually lucky to get six hours of sleep, not counting nightmares.

It was nearing 10PM and Tucker felt pretty tired and he knew Wash was exhausted but he kept talking and asking about everyone or busying himself with reading best he can with his injuries.

Wash saw Tucker yawn from his cot. Wash gave him a look, placing the book down. “You can go to sleep you know.” Tucker shook his head. “Nope. Not until you do.” Wash raised an eyebrow. “I’ll probably be up all night. I really don’t plan on sleeping.” Tucker stood up, going to him. “Because of the nightmares?”

Wash looked away, feeling his face heat up. Tucker tilted his head his way. “You act like I’ve never helped you through a nightmare. I know they’re not fun but you need to sleep. It will help you’re body recover faster.” Wash felt anxiety prickle at the edge of his senses. “I don’t want to be back there again.”

“I know.” Tucker said softly. “That’s why I’ll be here. Think you can sleep if I sleep next to you?” Wash looked at him. “There’s not even enough room, plus there’s all these wires-“ “I can make room.” “Dr.Grey could yell at you and ban you from the room.” “She can try.” He said as he gently moved Wash over, being careful, ignoring Washs flustering. “What-Hey, what are you doing?”

Tucker gently climbed in and held him close, placing his book on the desk next to him before engulfing him gently, best he can, Washs head on his chest. “Think you can sleep now?”

Wash smiled weakly, pretending he wasn’t soothed by the sound of his husbands heartbeat. “I can’t believe you did this. You can’t be comfortable. “ “That wasn’t my question; think you can sleep now?” Wash rolled his eyes but felt exhaustion hit him like a truck. “Yeah. I think so.” Tucker smiled, kissing his head. “Good. You fucking need it. I’ll be right here.”

Washs eyes closed and within minutes he was asleep. Tucker followed soon after.

Dr. Grey was working on the head Locus bought late into the night, her colleagues having gone to sleep hours before. She managed to find DNA from when Felix was apart of their army but it was hard to find, it having been buried under several old files.

She managed to compare the DNA from the head Locus brought. With a sip of coffee the printer printed out the results. She read them over and beamed. “Oh this is great news! I have to tell Kimball!” She ran down the hall and to the living quarters and bunks and knocked on Kimballs door. “Kimball! Kimball you have to see this!” Within moments Kimball opened the door, hair a mess and a hoodie on and pajama pants. “It is three in the morning Emily, what the hell is going on?”

“I got the results for that head locus brought! It is indeed Felix’s head.” Kimball nodded. “Great. I will deal with it in the morning. Good night.” She nearly slammed the door in Emily’s face. She wasn’t very happy about her sleep being interrupted.

Wash managed to get a few hours of sleep before the nightmares started. Tucker was only half asleep, not admitting, ever, to his husband that this wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep. But Washs recovery was more important than losing a few hours of sleep.

Tucker woke fairly quickly, feeling Wash hold onto him like a damn cat, whimpering and crying in his sleep. “No..no more..” Tucker shook him gently. “Hey, Hey wake up, its ok.” But Wash didn’t respond, only whimpered more, tears falling into Tucker’s shirt. “No..don’t leave me..Tucker..”

Ok now he has to talk about what the hell he hallucinated under the drugs influence. He was louder, shook him a little harder. “Wash! Wake up! Com,on baby, just wake up.” This seemed to work as Wash gasped awake, nearly sobbing against his chest. Tucker held him close. “I got you. You’re safe.”

He let Wash cry and get out all of his emotions. Tucker managed to get the Kleenex box from the small desk and wiped Washs face of tears.

Wash calmed but was still shaking. Tucker spoke softly. “Want to talk to me about what you saw?” “No.” Tucker let it go, making a mental note to talk about it when they were both more awake and calm.

But their space of calm was interrupted by the good doctor, barging in and nearly screaming in her excitement. “Guys! I made a breakthrough!” Wash nearly jumped, startled by her breaking into the room. Tucker glared at her, having just got his husband to calm down. “Is it this important to barge in at three in the morning?”

Emily Couldn’t stop herself in her excitement. “The head that locus brought us when he surrendered is indeed Felix! It took quite a bit of trouble to find the DNA to compare it to-“ “Wait? Locus is here?” “Yes! As far as I know he’s being held in the holding cell! From what I heard through the gossip mill he surrendered to us. And he brought us Felix’s decapitated head! Isn’t that a nice gift?! That’s the problem with guys, no one gifts you heads of your enemies anymore-“ “oh my god, Dr. Grey shut up! I literally had gotten him to sleep for a few hours and now you’re in here talking about the people that took him.”

Emily frowned, as if realizing what she did herself. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” Tucker sighed, feeling angry, for so many reasons. “Get Carolina, I need to talk to Kimball.”

As Emily left he went back to Wash who was nearly hyperventilating. Tucker went to him, holding him close. Wash spoke quiet and hushed, nearly sobbing as he shook. “They’re here. They’re here, they’re gonna hurt me..Locus is here..Felix..” Tucker just held him close, gently shushing him and reassuring him that no one is going to hurt him.

Carolina and Emily came back in by the time Wash calmed, slightly, still shaking and looking terrified. Carolina was still in her own pajamas, looking worried. “What happened? Is everything ok?” “Not really, I tell you later, I need to talk to Kimball right away and I am not leaving him alone. Can you watch him while I go talk to her?”

Carolina sighed. “It’s three in the morning.” “I’m fucking aware of that. Emily here decided to blab the little secret that’s hiding in our prison cell.” Carolina tensed before glaring at the doctor. Emily blushed, looking away. Carolina looked back at Tucker. “Yeah. We can talk about it later.” Tucker got off the bed gently, taking Washs arms off of him.

He felt his heart break as wash whimpered, reaching out weakly. “No..no, don’t leave me.” Tucker leaned in, holding his face. “I’m not, I promise, I’ll be back. I just need to talk to Kimball, ok? Carolina is gonna be here and she’s gonna make sure you stay safe.” Wash accepted it but Tucker knew he was still scared.

He glared at Carolina as he walked out. “We are definitely fucking talking about this later.”

He knocked loudly on kimballs living quarters door. It opened fairly quickly and she saw Tucker and already pieced together what happened. She frowned. “Emily told you.” “Oh she fucking told me and Wash.” Kimball cursed. “Shit.” Tucker crossed his arms. “So when where you gonna tell me that we were harboring Washs..let’s say abuser? I don’t know, but still. Was I ever going to know?” Kimball sighed. “Let’s go to my office.”

At her office she paced and talked. “The same day we brought wash back was the same day Locus surrounded himself to us with Felix’s decapitated head. He says he’s regrets taking Wash more than anything he’s done. Felix was the one who gave him faulty information, Carolina was their target. Carolina was the one who knew where these weapons were. Wash never knew about them. When Locus learned this he started to regret what he did to him. And when we rescued him, well, you were there and I’ve seen the footage from the helmet cams. He’s been nothing but cooperative.”

“That doesn’t change the fact he put Wash through hell!” Kimball nodded. “I know. But we decided not to tell you because we didn’t want it getting back to Wash who would, understandably freak out and backtrack his progress.”

Tucker glared at her. “And what if this had been a trap? I think I, of all Fucking people should know so I can be ready to protect him.” “He won’t be here for much longer if it helps. Now that the head he brought him was confirmed to be Felix, he’s being sent to a high security prison.” “And if it wasn’t Felix?” “Then we’d kill him. We agreed that-“

Tucker held his hand up. “Whoa..”we” as in other people were involved?” “Yes. Just Carolina and Church but it turned into Grif and Simmons as well. Grif found out of Locus being prisoner here and punched him. He would have done more but Simmons pulled him back.”

Tucker glared at the table. “Fucker deserved more than that.” He turned sharply and left, not giving her any goodbye. He was still too fucking pissed.

Now he had a choice. He could visit Locus and proved some much needed karma, or he could go and see how wash is doing.

He turned to the medbay, Wash was more important than giving Locus another broken nose.

He’d have to thank Grif later for that. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is talking of the science of antipsychotic drugs, compared to an anti-anxiety it’s probably wrong. Enjoy!

  
Tucker thanked whoever was watching over them that Wash wasn’t as affected by the loud news of Dr. Grey. After an hour or so he even got him to fall back asleep. It gave him so much hope that they will be back to where they were before the kidnapping happened, just with a few more nightmares thrown in.

He knew Wash was fairly resilient but he always worried, knowing something like the PTSD he had won’t ever go away.

So during breakfast (and a hundred apologies from Dr. Grey) he brought up what’s been nothing him. “What did you see in your hallucinations?” He saw Wash tense, plastic spork held in fingers, or what was exposed of them from the wrist cast and gauze on his fingertips. “Nothing you need to know.”

Tucker stood from his cot, his half eaten breakfast forgotten. “Twice now you’ve asked me to not leave you-“ Wash looked at him. “I only asked once and that was last night and-“ “You asked twice, unconsciously. Once when we rescued you and again last night when you had a nightmare.” Wash didn’t look at him, placing his spork down on the tray. He was quiet.

Tucker sat on the edge of the bed, talking softly. “I want to know so I can help you better. You know I’m never going to leave right?” “I know.” Tucker raised his eyebrows. “Sure about that?” He saw Washs blue eyes water, still refusing to loo at him. “Hey, I love you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Wash swallowed the lump in his throat, staring at his half eaten scrambled eggs and toast. “Most of them were those I killed coming back to haunt me, the worst, was you. You and Carolina. You’d see me and-“ His voice cut, a shaky breath escaping. Tucker stayed quiet, reaching out and holding his hand gently.

Wash continued, still refusing to look Tucker in the eyes. “You’d say that I was disgusting. That there was no point now in saving me. That killing me would be like putting down a dog. And in another sigma was there.. “ his voice broke. “He told me how stupid it was of me to think you’d settle for someone like me. Someone so broken beyond repair. You agreed we with him and threw your wedding ring at me.” Wash sucked in shaking breaths, bringing his hands to his face. “There. That’s what I saw.”

Tucker stayed quiet, letting the information sink in before he brought his arm around Wash, bringing him to his chest, holding him close. “I don’t know what it’ll take to get you to know I’m not leaving but I’m not leaving, ever. No matter how many times you get hurt or kidnapped, even if you ended up paralyzed you’re entire life, I’m not leaving.”

  
Wash took in a shuddering breath. “It felt so real. When you threw your ring I could feel it ping off my head. And when you shot me..” He trailed off, a sob escaped, hiding his face in Tucker’s shirt. Tucker just held him and let him cry, making sure he felt loved and safe, not knowing what he could say that would ease his partners suffering.

Kimball followed Carolina down to the holding cell, keys in hand. Once there she unlocked the door. “It’s your lucky day Locus. You’re not going to die for your actions.” “Unfortunately.” Carolina added as she stepped him, placing the handcuffs on his wrists. Locus looked genuinely surprised. “I’m being let go? You’re not going to kill me?”

Carolina answered him. “Trust me. I would have gladly killed you but since the head you brought us is indeed Felix, we decided to have a little mercy.”

Kimball let out a breath. “Locus, you are under arrest for crimes against military personnel, kidnapping and torture for information and the murder of your partner Felix. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say and do can be used against you in a court of law, if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you. Since you have been so cooperative in surrendering, your sentence will not be life but cut, to fifteen years. If you keep the good behavior, It can be cut to twelve.” “Understood. Thank you for your mercy. It’s more than I deserve.”

Kimball and Carolina didn’t say anything to that, escorting him outside to the pelican that was taking him to a high security prison off planet.

The prison guards from the pelican took him off their hands and escorted him inside the plane, kimball and Carolina both watching as it left.

Carolina sighed once it was in flight and out of sight. “Thank god, that’s finally over with.” Kimball nodded. “Agreed, now we can live in peace and help Wash heal without that hanging over our heads.” Carolina gave a weak smile. “At least he killed Felix for us. Would have been nice to do it myself but we don’t have to worry about Felix.” “Let’s go have a drink, we earned it.”

Tucker felt exhausted and he knew Wash did as well, he brought up the subject of a nap. Wash just looked at him, Tucker sat on the edge of the bed, not having moved since his talk about his hallucinations. “A nap? At one o’clock I think he afternoon?”

“It’s not like either us have really slept well.” Tucker noticed the bags under his eyes, they seemed forever etched into his face. Wash was quiet, he hates going to sleep, he hates seeing Locus and Felix again. “Will you sleep next to me?” Tucker gave a small grin as he laid next his husband carefully, holding him close. “Of course dude. I got you.”

They both dozed off into a small slumber of four hours when Dr, Grey came in, almost loud but saw they were napping. She went over to Tucker, gently nudging his shoulder. “Tucker..” she said quietly.

He didn’t wake, still snuggled close to Wash, holding him close, his nose tickled by blonde hair. “Tucker..” She nudged again and this time he seemed to stir, whining. “What?”

“I’m sorry to bother you two but I need to take a blood test from Wash to make sure the infection is gone.” Tucker nodded. “Alright.” He gently woke Wash. “Hey, Babe, wake up.”

Wash groaned, cuddling deeper into Tucker’s chest best he could. Tucker chuckled. “Babe, Dr. grey wants to talk to you.” Wash huffed. “Fine.” “Grumpy much?” “I was actually sleeping with no nightmares, excuse me if I’m grumpy.” He saw Dr. Grey as Tucker helped him sit up. “Yes Doctor?”

She smiled. “I just wanted to do a quick blood test to make sure the infection is gone. Once it’s confirmed it’s gone you’ll be able to be considered an out-patient and be able to live in your bunk instead of the hospital room.” Wash sighed. “That would be nice. I miss my old bed, even if I never slept in it.”

She went into her pocket and brought out a syringe and bottle. Wash tensed quickly seeing. “No..no.. not like that…” Tucker frowned, arm around him. “Wash?” Wash shook his head, shaking and eyes watering over quickly. Dr. Grey frowned. “I’m sorry, this is the only way to get a blood sample quickly and cleanly.”

Wash shook his head, voice thick. “No, please, I don’t want to to hurt again…” She looked at Tucker, feeling awful for what she was about to do. “Can you hold him still? I can do this in five seconds flat but he needs to stay still.” Tucker glared at her as he held Wash, Wash trying to hide in his chest. “There isn’t a better way?” “There is but it would involve another IV and takes more time. This is clean and fast, I promise!” Tucker hated himself for this.

He made sure Washs arm was exposed for her, holding him still, being careful and thinking back on the times his mom had to do this for him when he was a kid. Dr.grey nodded. “Thank you.” Wash was sobbing and hyperventilating into his neck. “Please no more..no more please.. “

Tucker could only soothe him best he could, gently shushing him and kissing his head as Dr, Grey moved fast. Wash cried out loud and high as the needle pierced his skin.

“There! All done!” She placed the cotton ball and bandage on the site. “I’ll get the results of this in a jiffy!” She frowned, hating the pain she had to put Wash through for the blood test. “I’m really sorry it had to be this way.” Tucker just nodded, working on calming Wash down as she left the room.

Tucker held him close and gently shushed him. “I got you, you’re safe.” Wash was looking around the room frantically, his eyes darting back and fourth. He didn’t see the hospital room, he saw the cell, with Locus and that needle.

Tucker noticed this, Wash was still shaking but had barely said anything other than his heavy breathing. “Wash, babe, hey come back to me.”   
He gently shook him and Wash came back, nearly gasping, looking between Tucker and the wall ahead of him. “Tucker..” “I’m here babe, I’m here.”

“Oh god..I was back there. I didn’t see the hospital room, I saw that cell.. locus..” He said, voice cracking. Tucker kissed his head. “They’re not here. You’re home and you’re safe. I’m not going to let anything hurt you.” It took a while for Wash to calm down and to stop shaking, Tucker cleaning away his tears with the tissues nearby when the door opened gently. “Uh hey guys.” Tucker perked up, raising an eyebrow. “Grif?”

Grif waved weakly, box in hand. “Yeah, now that he’s allowed visitors thought I’d stop by.” Wash saw him, perking up as well. “Grif?”

It hurt Grif to see one of his closest friends look so hurt. Washs eyes looked bloodshot and like he hasn’t slept, knowing him he probably hasn’t. “Hey. I know this is a stupid fucking question but, how are you doing?”

Wash swallowed, his voice still rough from his tears. “Better. I have good and bad moments, Dr, Grey said I may be..emotionally unstable for a while.” Tucker smiled. “Buts he’s definitely getting better. I actually got him to take a nap.” Grif gave him a look as he walked closer. “That is impressive. So I brought you something, thought it might help.”

He placed it on the bed and Tucker took it gently, he and Wash looking inside. Tucker laughed. “Oh my god, is this your personal stash?” “Sure is. Thought it could go to better use.” Wash smiled when he saw the Oreos. “That’s pretty selfless of you.” Grif shrugged. “I’m not too great with emotions and shit but I do know a thing or too about comfort food. Thought it might at least cheer you up.”

Wash smiled as he looked at Grif. “Thank you, really. You didn’t have to do this.” “It’s not like you haven’t been stealing out of it for years.” Wash blushed and Grif laughed. “Just feel better, ok?” Wash huffed. “I’m trying. Thank you. I’ll have to hide them from Dr, Grey.”

And speak of the devil, she walked in, papers in hand. “Ah! Captain Grif! What a nice surprise-is that Oreos I see?” Tucker had one in his mouth when he answered. “No?” His voice muffled. Wash took a bite of his own Oreo, waiting for a reaction from her.

She sighed. “Normally I would lecture you on proper nutrition when you’re recovering but it is due for a celebration! The infection is completely gone! You can become an out-patient and live in your own living quarters now instead of this boring hospital room!” Wash frowned, worried about everything that could go wrong. “What about the IVs and the medication?”

“Well I can give you a simple prescription for the antipsychotic I already have you on or if you feel you’re ready you can change it over to an anti anxiety-“ Tucker raised an eyebrow. “Wait? Aren’t they like totally different?”

“That’s a bit of a gray area there. Medically speaking yes they are different but do very similar things like lessen anxiety and depression but an antipsychotic has a few added bits of keeping away hallucinations and other such symptoms of mental disorders or illness. So it’s up to Wash if he wants to continue the antipsychotic I have him on currently or to switch to an anti-anxiety, no rush!”

Wash frowned. “So there isn’t any hope of me being off the medications?” “Now I didn’t say that silly! But you won’t be able to make that decision for at least a year, especially with your track record of not sleeping and paranoia. But if you feel you’re ready to be off medication in a years time just come talk to me!” Wash gave her a weak smile. “Will do.”

Tucker sighed as he laid against the bed. “Finally. We can go home home.” Wash gave him a look. “Home home?” “Yeah, like the base is home but our bunk is really our home.” Wash gave an amused noise but couldn’t argue with that. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER  
> Semi-graphic rape scene, Felix being an asshole, sleep paralysis

  
Dr. Grey walked into the hospital room, Tucker having already helped Wash into his wheelchair that she got for him, unable to use crutches yet with his wrists still healing but his splint for his nose was off.

She grinned and held three different prescription bags. “I have all your goodies! One is your antipsychotic, another is a multivitamin with a focus on calcium and the other is a special vitamin to help your nails grow back healthy and strong along with a brace for your nose to sleep in!”Wash gave her a look. “Do I really need all those vitamins?”

“Technically no but it will definitely help your recovery and lessen any physical therapy you may have to do.” Wash just nodded, feeling a bit overwhelmed as she handed him the bags. Tucker noticed, holding the bars behind the wheelchair as he leaned down. “Hey, we got this. It’s just three pills and two of them won’t hurt anything if you forget.” “I suppose.”

Tucker stood straight. “Thank you Dr. Grey, for everything, seriously.” She smiled. “It was no trouble at all, probably one of the more simple cases I’ve had. Well get out of here you two! Enjoy your freedom!”

As Tucker wheeled Wash out of the room, Wash spoke up. “Do you think people will still treat me the same after this?” “Of course, why wouldn’t they?” Wash sighed. “Well back at Project freelancer, when Epsilon attempted to kill himself in my head, they treated me a little different. Like I was glass or something. Like I would be set off for some reason.”

“Well I can understand their worry but people here aren’t that thoughtful about shit. And if they get too condescending for you, I’ll have a talk with them.” Wash looked at him. “Do not punch them.” Tucker huffed. “Taking the fun out of everything. Typical buzzkill.” Wash just rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile.

“So? Where do you want to go with your new freedom?” Wash looked at Tucker. “You say freedom as if I don’t need help with literally everything.” “Well you’re free from the hospital, it’s definitely a start.” “ Let’s just go back to our bunk, I want to lay in my own bed.”

Tucker got him to their bunk (Kimball working on actual living quarters instead of a bunk for them) and helped Wash onto the bed. Wash laid back with a soft thud and a sigh. “Oh I missed this bed.” Tucker chuckled as he laid next to him. “It missed you too.”

It was a comfortable silence between them until Washs tensed, eyes going big. Tucker noticed right away, sitting up. “Babe, you ok?” “No. I just realized everything that will have to be done for me.” “Like What? You know I’ll help you with anything.”

Wash looked at him and Tucker practically saw the anxiety vibrating off him. “I’ll constantly need moved between the wheelchair or bed, you’ll have to get any food I want, you’ll have to brush my teeth. It’s like I’m an invalid. God, you’ll even have to help me with the goddamn barroom.” Wash said a huff.

Tucker gave a weak smile, trying to lighten his anxiety. “It’s not like I haven’t touched those areas before.” Wash nearly glared. “That’s not the point. I feel like I’m some 90 year old in an old folks home. Everything needs done for me.” Tucker held him close as he laid back down. “Dr. Grey said the casts are only for a few more weeks. The miracle of modern technology or some shit. Point is we got this, I know you don’t like it but it’s only for a few more weeks. So let me pamper you for a few weeks.”

Wash raised an eyebrow. “Pamper?” “Yeah. It’s just a few weeks and then the casts come off and then it’s physical therapy.” “I guess a few weeks isn’t so bad. I still don’t look forward to everything having to be done for me.” “You say that like I haven’t had my fingers in your ass before.”

Wash glared before elbowing hard as he could in the ribs. Tucker gasped in pain. “Ok, ok, I get it. Shit. Why don’t we just nap?” “I am tired.”

Tucker felt his own exhaustion hit him. “Me too.” He held Wash close and ended up dozing off faster than he thought they would, Tucker fell asleep to his partners light snoring.

Wash woke up to the feeling of hands touching him, fingers trailing down his stomach and he didn’t think much of it, Tucker was always pretty touchy-Feely with a touch of perverted thrown in. He didn’t even open his eyes, just groaned in annoyance. “Tucker… stop.”

The hands didn’t stop and he felt a weight on top of him. He tensed when Tucker didn’t stop but knew that wasn’t right. Tucker may be overly-sexual but he’s always made sure Wash wanted and consented to everything. He never kept going when he said stop.

He opened his eyes and saw Felix straddling him, nothing but a tee shirt and boxers, the same ones he wore under his armor, along with that same smirk. “Finally figured it out Wash. Surprise, I’m not your precious Tucker.” Wash went to push him away but he couldn’t move, his limbs felt like they were weighed down by weights, they suddenly weighed a thousand pounds.

He could only stare, to terrified to talk, he was able to see enough that he saw he didn’t have his casts, he was in the cell again with Felix touching him, his hand attempting to stroke him into hardness as he gently ground his hips against him.

God he felt disgusting. He felt nauseous.

Felix leaned down, still moving his hips, Wash could feel his breath on his lips. “Com’on Wash, I know you want this, like the fucking slut you are. That’s why Tucker picked you isn’t it? Because he knew sooner or later you’d open your pretty legs.” He started suckling at Washs neck, Wash whined, crying out. Felix’s mouth hurt, he was suckling a bruise in, marking him. “No..stop..”

Felix growled as he sat up. “Fuck.. I’m so fucking hard. Can you feel me? Huh?” He felt Felix move his legs and Wash attempted to struggle away but his body wouldn’t listen.

“No…no!” He nearly sobbed. Felix didn’t bother with preparing him as he shoved in.

Tucker waking up to Wash screaming wasn’t anything new so when he woke Wash up, he was expecting the normal; cling to him and cry his feelings out while he holds him.

What he wasn’t expecting his for Wash to struggle out of his hold, sobbing and nearly screaming. “No! No! Stop!” But with his injuries he couldn’t move much but attempted to struggle anyway.

Tucker had to hold his forearms to keep him from struggling. “Wash! Wash! It’s me! You’re safe!” Wash was hyperventilating but he stopped struggling. “Tucker?!” He whimpered our. Tucker took his chance and wrapped him up in his arms. “Yes, it’s me. I got you. You’re safe. Can you breath with me? Com’on, in and out.”

Wash breathed with him, shakily but eventually he calmed and his breathing was under control even if he was a little shaky.

Once Tucker knew it was safe and he was calm, he spoke up. “What the hell did you dream about?” Wash swallowed, eyes staring into nothing. “Felix.”

Tucker knew enough from just the name. He held him closer, kissing his head. “He’s not gonna hurt you ever again. He’s dead and gone and even if he manages to come back I’ll fucking kill him again. You’re safe. No ones gonna hurt you.”

It was quiet between them before wash spoke up quietly. “That nightmare wasn’t like the others.” Tucker let him talk, helping him along even though he knew it wasn’t like the others. “How So?” “I couldn’t move. In all my other nightmares I can move freely. But this..I was in that cell but I couldn’t move. It’s like my limbs weighed a thousand pounds.” Tucker frowned. That was different. “It’s was probably just a new nightmare.” Wash rolled his eyes, ignoring how they watered over. “Great.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

  
Washs nightmares got worse in a way Tucker was not expecting. Luckily Tucker became a light sleeper so anytime a nightmare starts he’s there to wake him up.

But waking up to the sound of him struggling to breathe and crying was a feeling Tucker never wanted again. He shook Wash Frantically, even checked his mouth to see if he accidentally swallowed anything; he didn’t.

“Fuck! Wash! Wake up!” Thankfully it woke Wash fairly quickly. He woke gasping for air, coughing as if something had been obstructing his throat. Tucker breathed a shaky sigh of relief, holding him close. “Fuck, you fucking scared the hell out of me. What the hell happened?”

Wash was holding his throat, nearly sobbing. “Felix again. He…was having his way with me… while he strangled me.” “Did he do that when you were taken?” “Yeah. He strangled me to the point I fell unconscious. He had to do CPR on me so Locus didn’t find out he nearly killed me.” Tucker really wished Felix was still alive so he can kill him himself. He didn’t know what to say to that.

“We’re talking to Dr. Grey about these new nightmares. I don’t want to wake up to you not breathing or worse.”“Expelled.” Wash said with a weak smile. Tucker gave him a look and couldn’t help the small chuckle. “Fucking nerd. No. What time is it?” He looked at the clock, 6:35AM.

He sighed. “We might as well get up now. Want a shower?” Wash nodded, still feeling shaky. “Yeah. It might help.” “I have an idea on how to properly wash your hair, if you want.” Wash looked needy toward him. “God yes. I need actual water.” Tucker helped him sit up before he stood up. “I have to get a few things though, can you stay here for a minute?” “Yeah, I think I’ll be ok.” Tucker kissed his head quickly before he left.

Wash felt disappointed it wasn’t a real kiss, a lip kiss. Was tucker really disgusted by him now? Was this his way of gently easing his way away from him? They haven’t had an actual kiss since he’s been recused and woken up and sane. He blinked away tears and pushed that thought away; no. That was stupid. If tucker really didn’t want anything to do with him he wouldn’t be helping and doing everything for him.

Tucker came back in shortly after with a fairly large bowl, a towel and bottles of what he assumes are shampoo and conditioner. He grinned as he kicked the door closed behind him. “Two seconds.” He said as he went to their little bathroom that only held a toilet and sink.

He saw Tucker moving about and heard the sound of water running before Tucker came back in, getting his wheelchair from the wall, bringing it over.

He then came around and gently helped Wash into the chair. “Ready to be fucking pampered?” Wash just gave a weak smile, his earlier thoughts refusing to go away. “Definitely.”

Tucker wheeled him into the tight bathroom. It wasn’t exactly made with Wheelchairs in mind but Tucker made it work. He made sure Washs back was to the sink. “Ok. Can you lean your head all the way back, until it touches the sink?” Wash adjusted best he could and leaned until he felt the ceramic against the back of his head. “Yeah. I got it.” “Ok. I’m gonna start getting your hair nice and wet, bow chicka now wow.” Wash snorted a small laugh. “Shut up.” “I’ll stop saying it when you stop laughing.” He said as he gently poured the water from the bowel into his hair, being careful not to get any into his eyes.

Wash closed his eyes, feeling relief flood him. Real water. And warm and Tucker’s fingers felt amazing as he lathered the shampoo through his hair. “Ok. This I could get used to.” Tucker smiled as he massaged his scalp and hair, making sure the shampoo gets everywhere it needs. “Every other day we can do this. I have no problem. It’s actually kinda nice. I’ve never really done anything like this before.” “Like this?” Wash asked.

“Like washing hair, legitimately taking care of someone and not just making sure they drink water. It’s nice. It feels good to do this. It’s intimate.” Wash smiled up at him, not knowing what to say to that. Tucker’s fingers were massaging away all his fears and anxiety. “Ok. Rinse time. Keep your eyes closed.” Tucker said as he turned the water on and carefully rinsed the shampoo from his hair.

After his hair was washed and dried he gave him a hand bath with the hand-cloths Dr. Grey gave them before helping him get dressed for the day.

When they were both ready Tucker wheeled him out of their room and into the mess hall.

Tucker saw Simmons there which wasn’t unusual but Grif was with him, which was unusual this early in the morning, unless Wash or Carolina force him out of bed for drills.

Tucker wheeled Wash over toward them. “Grif, you’re actually awake.” Grif looked at both of them, looking exhausted but held a cup of coffee in hand. “This one won’t stop bugging me. Something about having a set routine and shit.” Simmons huffed. “I said a set routine will help ease your depression.” Grif just whined. “It’s too fucking early for this.”

Wash frowned. “Is everything ok?” Grif glared at Simmons. “Yes, everything is fine. Just this one worries about everything I do now since Valentine’s Day.” Wash frowned. “Oh. Well him worrying means he cares.” “Well I’d wish he’d care less in the mornings and let me sleep. Why are you up? I thought you guys would be sleeping until noon with the off time and recovery?”

Tucker spoke up as he sat down. “Wash had a nightmare.” Wash scoffed. “It wasn’t just a nightmare. That’s a bit of an understatement.” Simmons frowned. “What happened?”

Wash looked away. “I won’t go into detail but I couldn’t move and I dreamed someone was strangling me. My body responded as if I actually was being strangled.” Tucker looked at the table. “He was chocking in his sleep and fuck..I don’t ever want to wake up to that again.”

Grif frowned, looking at Wash. “You ok man?” Wash looked at him. “I am now. We’re gonna be talking to Dr. Grey about it, I had another similar one two nights ago.” “You know if you want I’m always free to talk. We can dish out who’s nightmares are worse but I’m pretty sure I’ve already lost.” Grif said as he sipped his coffee. Wash chuckled at that. “Thanks.”

Once Tucker made sure Wash had a good breakfast, and a little banter/debate over wither or not a dog can look up, he took Wash to Dr. Grey.

He knocked on her office door. She opened it right away. “Oh, hello guys! Good morning, did you sleep well?” Wash gave her a look. “Yeah, about that. That’s kinda why we’re here.” “Well then step right in! The doctor is always in!”

Once they were inside Tucker spoke to Wash. “Do you want to tell her or should I?” Wash looked at him. “I think I can. Plus it might help.” Tucker nodded and let him speak.

“The last few nights my nightmares have gotten a little..unexpected.” “Unexpected how? Tell me everything!” She said, sitting down, notebook in hand as she took notes.

“Well normally in my nightmares I can move freely or struggle if I’m being held. These dreams I can’t move, at all. It’s like my limbs weigh a thousand pounds suddenly. And even when Tucker woke me up I still felt I was there. And this morning I dreamt that Felix..” He stopped, feeling his hands shake, his eyes water. “I dreamt That Felix raped me while he was strangling me. I couldn’t breath and my body responded as as if I actually was being strangled. Tucker luckily work me up before anything could have happened.”

She made a small noise. “Hmmm, this sounds like sleep paralysis. I shouldn’t be surprised, those with mental conditions or illness are at a high risk for such sleeping disorders. Other than insomnia of course.” Tucker spoke up. “What’s sleep paralysis?”

“I’m glad you asked! It’s a disturbance in the brain when your either waking up or falling asleep. The body produces a chemical that keeps your paralyzed while you sleep. That way you don’t actually act out any nightmares or dreams but it can become disrupted during those two times of falling asleep or waking up. It’s debatable if it’s a sleep disorder or a mental disorder and it’s not exactly known what causes it.” Wash groaned. “Great.”

“Don’t worry! There plenty of treatment that can help. First steps are easy peasy! Just start keeping a sleep schedule and practice it every night. What we do know about it is that stress and trauma can be triggers along with sleep deprivation so getting a full nights sleep is critical to your body responding accordingly. Another is getting past what’s causing the nightmares to begin with but that’s already a work in progress and boy do we have our work cut out for us!” Tucker just raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh, anything else? What if he stops breathing in his sleep or something?”

“I’m afraid we don’t have anything easily available that might help but I might be able to put together some alert for him to wear.” Wash was definitely curious about that. “That would be great. It could help take some of the burden off Tucker and keep me alive in the process.”

“Great! I don’t know when it will be done but I already have plans formulating as we speak! Ah! I can’t wait to make it! Is that all? Do you need anything else?”

Wash shook his head. “No. That’s all, thank you Dr.Grey. I’m sorry to keep bothering you.” Dr. Grey smiled. “Wash, you are never a bother! None of you guys are! You guys keep my head going! Without this place I’d probably go insane, not joking and I’m a doctor. I took an oath to help and do no harm, although I seem to ignore the last bit but I’m getting off topic, bottom line is I love you guys! All you reds and blues have become a family to me! Along with being the craziest and most fascinating people I’ve ever met. Well get out of here, drink water and eat well! Make sure to set a sleep routine!”

Wash just smiled as Tucker wheeled him out and closed the door. They both breathed a sigh of relief of being out of there. “You know Wash, I love Dr. Grey, she’s saved our lives but dear god I don’t think I can be in the same room as her for five minutes.” Wash gave a weak smile. “She can be a handful. But at lest we have answers and hopefully a solution.”   
“Yeah. Hopefully. Let’s go watch some bad movies. Sound good?” “Sounds great.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch my Shaun of the Dead references?


	14. Chapter 14

  
Four months later

  
The alert Dr. Grey made worked perfectly. Within these four months he’s only set it off twice, which he thinks is pretty good given his track record of not sleeping and nightmares. Tucker still thinks it’s twice too many but there wasn’t much they could do about them.

The casts came off and with physical therapy nearly every day Wash was back to where he was before the kidnapping.

Well almost back.

Dr. Grey gave him a weight limit of 3LBs as his wrists are still fairly damaged, even though bone was completely repaired, the tendons were a different story. She gave him wrists braces to wear to help give them support while they heal, if they heal.

So he had light duty which meant he could drill and supervise the troops alongside Carolina but missions and anything that requires to shoot a gun were out on account of the recoil and vibrations being detrimental to his healing wrists.

He and Tucker now had their own living quarters that had a tiny kitchen, Private bathroom and living room. He walked into their new home and started to take his helmet off when he felt the soft pressure of arms around him and the scent of flowery candles. “Hey babe.”

Wash smiled as he held his helmet. “Hey.” Tucker turned him around, not caring if he was in full armor. “So I was thinking, since Dr.Grey gave you the all clear we could celebrate.” Wash gave him a look but smiled. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

Tucker held his hands. “You, me, a few glasses of wine-“ “I can’t drink on my medication.” “We can skip the wine, a bed, and us.” “So you want to have sex?” Tucker gave him a look this time. “Well it sounds lame when you say it like that but you deserve to feel amazing after everything you’ve been through.”

Wash had a smirk on his face. “Get some of that sparkling grape juice from mess hall and you got a deal.” Tucker grinned. “Fuck Yes.” He leaned in, kissing his husband quickly but deeply. Wash smiled into the kiss before Tucker pulled away. “I’ll be right back. Get your comfy clothes on and get relaxing.” He said as he jogged out the door.

Wash undressed from his armor and getting Tucker’s hoodie that was a size and a half too big for him that had a big PARENTAL ADVISORY printed on it along with some sweatpants and sleepers.

Tucker came back with a bottle and grinned when he saw Wash wearing his hoodie. “How does that hoodie look better on you?” Wash looked over from the couch, wrists braces on each wrist. “Because I look good in everything?” He said with an innocent smile. Tucker laughed as he walked over. “Fuck, I love you.”

He kissed him before going into their little kitchen and getting the sparkling grape juice ready with the only two wine glasses they managed to get.

Tucker came around and handed a glass to Wash with a smile. Wash gently took the glass, being careful not to drop it. Once he had it securely in his hands Tucker sat down close with a smile. “A toast?” Wash raised an eyebrow but smiled. “To what?” “Uhhh..” Tucker was a little lost. He thought he knew what to toast for but his mind drew a blank. “To..your butt?”

Wash snorted out a laugh. “My butt?” “I mean it is worthy of toasting.” “I guess.” Wash said with a laugh as he raised his glass. “Ok then. A toast..to my butt..and..” Tucker grinned. “Ooh adding something?” Wash smirked, waiting to see his husbands reaction. “Your dick.” Tucker nearly snorted out his sparkling grape juice.

Wash laughed, as he drank his glass down. Tucker followed soon after and as soon as their glasses hit the small table in front of them Wash lunged for Tucker, crashing his lips to his.

Tucker nearly squeaked with surprise but quickly got the idea as he wrapped his arms around Wash, kissing back just as needy.

Wash felt a twinge of anxiety but ignored it, focusing on Tucker. Focusing on his scent, his lips, his hands, pushing any anxiety he had away, hoping it stayed away.

Tucker turned them, gently pinning him on the couch, bringing his braced wrists above his head as he attacked his neck, panting. “Fuck..missed this so much..” When wash was pinned the anxiety came back. He nearly grit his teeth, ignoring it; like an Android ignoring critical error notifications.   
He was shaking but he played it up as being turned on. Trying to focus on Tucker’s hands and fingers and the touch of him.

Tucker had managed to get both their shirts off, working on their pants. Wash was happy he was at least semi-hard, that’s not a conversation he wants to have with his sex crazed husband.

His heart jumped when he felt tucker taking his sweatpants off quickly, kissing down his stomach with a smirk. Wash was relived when he felt real pleasure, not a flashback when Tucker brought his mouth around him. He gasped, panting. “Tucker..”

Tucker kept up his pace, bobbing his head and licking around the head as he brought his lubed up fingers to Washs entrance.

When Wash felt fingers enter him, all his anxiety cane flooding back, he was back there again, in that cell, with Felix. He cried out, struggling away. “No, no! Please! Stop!” Tucker stopped immediately, nothing but concern on his face as he approached Wash who was shaking near the corner of the couch, nearly sobbing and hyperventilating. “Wash, hey, it’s me. You’re safe.”

Wash didn’t seem to be with him, eyes open but staring at the floor as he sat curled up and hiccuping. Tucker got closer, gently touching him, which made him jump.

Wash cried as he felt Felix?  
Was it Felix? Touch him. “No! No, please stop..Felix stop..”

Tucker brought his arms around him and let him ride out his attack, giving him gentle reassurance. “I got you, you’re safe.”

Eventually Wash came back to himself, whimpering in Tucker’s arms. “Tucker?” “Yeah. I got you. You’re safe.” Wash pulled away, looking horror stricken. “Oh god.. I’m so sorry, I ruined our night.” “Hey, it’s fine, you didn’t ruin anything.” Wash shook his head, the tears never stopping as he pulled himself out of Tucker’s embrace and put his clothes back on quickly. “Of course it’s ruined. Tucker, you can’t tell me your not disappointed, we haven’t had sex in nearly a year. And the first time we have a chance and I ruin it.” He said, voice trembling as he whipped at his face.

Tucker got up, softly glaring at him. “I told you, I don’t care if we never have sex again. I love you. You know I’m not the same person you met all those years ago. I’ve changed, because of you.” Wash was quiet as he looked up at Tucker.

Tucker felt drawn in by his blue eyes that looked more like a lake than anything with how watery they are. “I changed because of you. You made me a better person, you made me a better man and you made me want to be better. I love you, sex or no sex.” Wash sniffled, he wasn’t sure if he believed all of that but it was still nice to hear. “I love you too. I’m still sorry about this.” Tucker wrapped him up close.

He still had his shirt off so Wash could feel the soft of his skin. God, he hasn’t felt it in so long, not like this. He wedged himself deep as he could into Tucker’s chest, feeling his arms come around, protecting him. He took a breath. “I promise, I’ll get past this.” Tucker kisses his head. “Just don’t force or rush yourself. You do what you need to for you.”

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

  
Wash gave himself another month before trying again with Tucker.   
But no amount of pushing his thoughts and anxiety away seemed to make it any better. He still fell into a flashback or panic attack anytime things got too far.

And Tucker has been nothing short of supportive which makes Wash feel even worse.

Tucker deserves to be able to have some fun with his husband. It’s been over a year since they’ve actually had sex or done anything dirty and Wash knows deep down Tucker hates that they can’t do anything.

Tucker shouldn’t be stuck with someone as broken as him. It hurt to think but maybe he should leave, let Tucker start over with someone he can have fun with. Someone he doesn’t have to take care of or watch over.

He stood in front of Kimballs door, feeling anxiety thrum through his blood, making him feel jittery.   
Was he really going to do this?   
He knocked before opening the door.

Kimball turned. “Wash, it’s nice to see you. How have you been?” Wash swallowed, still in full armor, he didn’t want her seeing his face. “I need to ask for something.” “Anything, what do you need?” “Divorce papers. Are they difficult to get?”

She walked over. “Is everything alright between you and Tucker?” “Please, can you get them?” “If your that serious about it, yes. I can. It won’t take long. Divorce rates are unfortunately high in the military but before I do I have to ask you, do you really want to do this? Are you sure whatever is wrong you can’t fix? Because I don’t want you regretting this.” Wash was quiet, feeling his eyes water as he looked to the ground. “I’m sure.”

She sighed. “Ok. I’ll reach out and get them printed for you. Shouldn’t be more than an hour.” “Thank you. And when can a ride to the next base be arranged?” She sighed. “I really don’t want to see you go but I can have one here tonight at the earliest.” “Please. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay here after this.”

He left her office but had to lean against the wall. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to let go the best thing that ever happened to him? He took off his helmet as a whimper escaped him.

He took a few deep breaths, ignored how his chest felt like someone was carving into him as he put his helmet back on and left.

Tucker hated this. He had been wanting to catch Wash all day to talk to him but he’s either been really sneaky or really busy and he isn’t sure which it is. He was half dozed on their couch waiting for him when the door opened to their shared living quarters.

He woke up, seeing Wash. He sprung up, walking to him. “Hey, I haven’t been able to find you all day. I’ve been looking for you.” Wash still hasn’t taken his helmet off. “Sorry. I’ve been busy. Actually..” Fuck, was he really doing this? “I wanted to talk to you. But I’d like to get out of this first.” Tucker smiled. “No problem, I have something I want to talk to you about too.” Wash just nodded. “Great.”

He said, hoping he hid his turmoil of emotions as he walked away to their bedroom.

The door was closed as he got undressed and had packed light for his trip out of base. He held the paper that would split them apart. He swallowed the lump in his throat before walking out of the room.

Tucker was on the couch and Wash walked over, folded paper in hand. Tucker raised an eyebrow. “Is everything ok?” Wash let out a shaking breath. “You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone you can have fun with, someone you don’t have to babysit. Someone who isn’t broken.” He said, voice thick as his eyes watered.

Tucker frowned. “Are..are you trying to leave me?” Wash handed him the paper, his hand shaking. “Yes. I’m letting you go so you can find someone else, someone you can actually have sex with.” Tucker took the paper and read it and then read it again. “This can’t be real.” “It is and all you have to do is sign and you’re free.” Wash said, looking away.

Tucker stood, paper still in hand. “That’s not what I mean. I mean this can’t be real because we’re perfect together. I’ve never cared about anyone in my life as much as I care about you. And you think I want you to leave so I can what? Go have sex with someone I don’t give a shit about?”

Wash stood, glaring but his anger was softened by his tears. “I never said that. I just said you deserve to have a relationship where you can have sex. You deserve that kind of fun after everything you’ve been through. I’m too broken. I’m never going to be the same, I’ll probably never be able to have sex again and I don’t want to burden you.”

Tucker was quiet, ignoring his own hurt in his chest at the fact Wash actually got divorce papers. Wash felt desperate, voice cracking. “Just sign it please and I’ll leave.”

Glared at the paper before he started ripping it to pieces. Wash gasped. “Tucker-“ Tucker was in his face suddenly, his normally warm brown eyes were watery as he glared down at wash. “I’m not fucking signing it. You’re not a burden and I don’t care if we never have sex ever again; I love you so fucking much. I refuse to sign.”

Wash nearly collapsed into tears then and then. His resolve he worked so hard on was crumbling. He mustered what strength he could and pushed away from Tucker. “Well I’m still leaving wither you sign it or not. There’s a truck coming to take me to the next base over and I’m going to be on it.” He moved quickly, getting his small bag as Tucker watched him with hurt eyes.

Before Wash opened the door to leave he looked over at Tucker who looked shell shocked. “Why can’t you see that I’m letting you go? Trust me, you’ll be happier without me.” He said as he left, closing the door.

Carolina saw Wash with a bag heading toward the terminal of the base. She frowned as she jogged over. “Wash? Is everything ok?” Wash stopped, his eyes red and face wet with tears. “I’m leaving. I’m going to the next base over. Tucker will be happier without me.” “What the hell are you talking about? Did you guys have a fight?” “No. He just deserves someone less broken, someone he can have a good time with. I’ll miss you. I’m sorry.”

  
He turned and Carolina grabbed his arm. “Just wait! You know as well as I do that he wouldn’t be happier without you. He loves you, just stop and think for five seconds.” “I have. And I made my choice.” He got out of her hold and continued walking.

Tucker debated with himself. An angel and devil on each shoulder. One telling him to run after him and get him before he leaves. The other side telling him to let him leave. If he’s gonna think all he wants is sex maybe they weren’t meant to be together.

But that thought hurt too much to bear. He felt like curling into a sobbing mess. He stared at his wedding band on his hand and knew what he had to do. He never ran so fast in his life.

Wash was shaking as he waited for the bus. He sucked in a shaking breath, arms crossed, trying to keep it together. He saw the truck arriving and his heart sank; this is it. He’s leaving the only family he’s really known.

He reached down and grabbed his bag and he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. He swallowed. “Tucker..” He saw how hurt Tucker’s eyes looked, how much he made him cry, god, he hates himself for that. Tucker glared softly, eyes watery. “I refused to sign and I refuse to let you go.” Wash felt frustrated. “Why can’t you see that I’m letting you go? You’ll be happier with someone else.”

Wash turned, walking toward the truck. Tucker yelled. “Wash! Wash get back here! I am not letting you leave!” Wash glared as he turned around. “You can’t tell me what to do! I’ve made my choice!” Wash turned and Tucker growled. “I didn’t want to do this.”

He walked up to him, lifting him easily over his shoulder. Wash yelped in surprise. “Tucker! Put me down! What the fuck are you doing?!” He ignored him as he carried him back to their place. He passed by Carolina and waved. “Hey, how you doing?” She just raised an eyebrow and watched him walk with Wash over his shoulder. Every time she thinks she’s seen it all, something else happens.

Once he got back to their place, kicking the door closed he got Wash to their bedroom and placed him on the bed, not too gently either.

Wash glared up at him. “What the fuck was that?” Tucker glared down at him. “This is me not letting you leave. You’re leaving for the stupidest reason. You’re thinking you know what’s best for me because your self-worth is so fucking low you think not only would I be better off without you but that you don’t deserve this kind of happiness.” Wash was quiet, feeling his eyes water.

Tucker glared a little softer. “Tell me I’m wrong then. Tell me that you’re completely fine and are doing this with a sound mind.”

Wash swallowed the lump in his throat. “I might have been a little rash-“ “ya think?! You literally handed me divorce papers. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?” Wash sucked in a breath, shaking. “I just..I don’t know what to do. I feel lost and broken and I just want to be with you again, have sex again but I can’t.” His voice broke, nearly sobbing.

Tucker sat down, wrapping his arms around him. “Then talk to me, talk to grey, hell even talk to Grif, We’re all here for you. And I told you I don’t care if we never have sex again, and I meant it.” Wash shook his head, looking at him in disbelief. “How can you say that you’re ok with that? I know how much you love sex and I hate to have to take that away from you.”

Tucker gently moved Washs face to look him in the eyes. “Because I didn’t marry you to have sex every day. I married you because I love you. And yes the sex is great when it happens but it’s just a bonus to me. Just being with you, like this, is all I need to be happy.” Washs lip trembled as he whimpered.

Tucker wrapped him up, letting him hide in his chest as he cried. He let a few tears of his own leave his eyes, wetting Washs hair.

When Wash calmed down he sniffled. “I’m a horrible husband.” “No you’re not. You’re just a little messed up right now but I’ll get better. You just need to give yourself time.”

“Not just that. You wanted to talk about something and I never let you talk.”

Tucker tensed. “Oh. Right. It’s not really important, it can wait honestly.” Wash sniffled but raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It seems important if you’re this flustered over it.” Tucker huffed. “I’m not flustered. I’m fine.” “You’re flustered. Don’t lie to me, is everything ok?”

“Yes. Everything’s fine, it was just something I’ve been thinking about.” “What is it?” Tucker was quiet, not quite sure how to bring it up. “Uhhh I..Just.. well..this might sound really weird but I miss taking care of you.” Wash had both eyebrows raised. “You miss taking care of me? Like helping me up when my legs were broken?” “Yeah. That kind of stuff. It was..weirdly nice helping someone like that and I kinda miss it.”

Tucker He heard how that sounded and immediately corrected himself. “Not that I want you hurt! I don’t, it’s just..” he looked away. “I liked taking care of you like that and I miss it and I was thinking of us, maybe adding a third?” “A third?” Wash felt confused. “What like a threesome thing?” “No! I mean a kid! I was thinking of having a child with you.”

Wash eyes got wide. “Oh.” Tucker kept staring at the floor. “Yeah.” “But don’t you have junior?” “I do and I thought about that and he’s grown and I never got to really bond with him in that sense, ya know? By time I was awake from his delivery he was nearly able to take care of himself. But when I did get to take care of him I loved it. I kinda wanna be a dad again.” Wash modded, not sure what to think of this. He’s never thought about marriage or even children years ago and now it’s everything he’s thinking about.

“I’m not saying no but I’m not saying yes either. A child is a huge responsibility and is a military base really the best place to raise a kid?” “It’s not all bad. The war is technically over. We’re still here because it’s too dangerous and expensive to fly back to earth and there’s still clean up and image. If you want we can always talk to Kimball.” “We can talk to her. But it’s still not a yess.” Tucker smiled. “That’s fine. It’s fine. I’m just glad you’re thinking about it. But for now let’s get you some tea and comfy clothes and we are talking more about today.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Thank you so much for your support and comments! ^_^

  
The next day, when Wash was a little more stable, he and Tucker talked to Kimball. Wash apologizing about the divorce papers.

Kimball smiled. “Wash, it’s fine. All I did was print out some papers. I’m really glad it didn’t go through.” Tucker spoke up next. “I wasn’t letting him go.” Wash blushed, feeling Tucker’s hand on his back, a comforting weight.

She sighed. “Well you said you wanted to speak with me about something?” Tucker spoke first. “Yes. Question one: if someone were to say get pregnant or adopted a kid on accident, would said kid be able to live here with us?” Kimball just gave him a look. “You want to have kids don’t you?” Tucker but his lip, feeling nervous. “Maybe.”

Kimball was quiet. “That’s a bit of a loaded question. Yes it’s safe enough for a child but that doesn’t mean it’s safe to raise a child. We could have an emergency, enemies could ambush us.” Wash turned to him. “I said it was a bad idea.” Tucker gave him a look. “You also thought dating me would be a bad idea.” Wash just huffed. “Not the point.”

Kimball cut in. “The point is, is yes, if you would like a child badly enough I will allow it. But before you go running to Dr. Grey or looking up adoption centers, let me do some research and talking to the higher ups. I’m all for you two having a child but I don’t want you to get in trouble over it. Or me.”

Wash nodded. “Understood. It’s probably better to wait. I’m told I need time to heal and that I have to give myself that time.” Tucker shrugged. “I mean a month is not long dude. But why did you bring up Dr. Grey? Can she do some weird mad scientist shit and make a baby from us?”

Kimball shrugged. “Technically Yes, with how far technology has come. Plus I’m sure she would not say no to that either even if it’s not possible.” Wash had a look on his face at her mention. He loved Dr. Grey, she’s saved his and Tucker’s lives so many times but this subject, he’s not sure he completely trusts her.

Tucker was nearly grinning at the idea while Wash felt very uncomfortable. Tucker spoke for both of them. “Thank you for this talk Kimball. Let us know what the higher ups say.”

Once they were outside her office Tucker held his hand as they made their way to the mess hall. Wash sighed. “They’re gonna say no. A military base isn’t the best place to raise a child.” “You need to stop being so pessimistic about it.” “Well it’s hard not to, I don’t exactly have the best childhood to fall back on if I don’t know what to do.” “Hey, you got me. I’ve raised junior. I even had a dog-“ “A dog is not the same as a human child.” “And he turned out fine. That dog lived a long, healthy life of twelve years.”

Wash sighed as they stopped outside the mess hall. “Still. What about school? And socialization? They can’t get proper socializing here with just adults. There’s no other kids. No one they can relate to or play with.” Tucker sighed. “That would be a bridge to cross when we get there. Right now, even if we get approval you still need time for yourself that I will make you do. No rushing anything.” “So it could be years if we even have a child?” “Yep.”

Wash felt a bit of relief at that. He wasn’t opposed to the idea but it felt overwhelming with his own issues going on.

They walked into the mess hall and saw Grif and Simmons. Grif waved them over. “Hey guys.” Wash and Tucker walked over, sitting down with them. Wash greeted him. “Hey.”  
“So what brings you guys out here? Normally you’re either working or holed up in your fancy living quarters.” Tucker let out a breath. “We were talking with kimball.”

Simmons raised an eyebrow. “About?” “We wanted to see if it was ok to have a kid.” Grif now raised an eyebrow as well. “Is a military base the best place for a kid?” Wash spoke up. “That’s what I said! But kimball made a point that the war is over and Tucker made a point that it’s not so bad around here. The biggest issues would be school and socializing. There’s no other kids here, they’d be lonely. But she’s calling he higher ups to see if it’s even allowed to have kids here.”

Simmons shrugged. “Can’t be any worse than our childhoods. I mean half this base has nothing but bad childhoods.” Grif took a bite of his sandwich. “You couldn’t pay me enough to have a kid. They take so much time and I get cranky if I miss my naps.” Tucker chuckled and Wash saw the look on Simmons face when Grif said that.

He looked..disappointed? Sad? He couldn’t place it but Tucker broke him out of his thoughts. “I’d probably say the same if I hadn’t had junior. But I like taking care of someone. I mean it’ll be different with a human kid but still it’s just…I want to be a part of something bigger than myself, more important. Plus imagine Wash helping our little future baby sleep.” Wash blushed but hard that he really enjoyed that image.

Grif rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you two are so disgusting.” Tucker grinned. “Thank you.”

An hour later they were called back into her office. Kimball sighed but smiled. “I contacted the UNSC and told them your plans and they fully approve of a child on base. They said it can help their image and they’ve been wanting a reason to start rebuilding on this planet; schools, houses, hospitals. This is just the shove they need to start. So whenever you are ready you can come to me and we can look at adoption for you or you can talk to Dr. Grey if you want a more biological option.” Tucker grinned. “This is amazing. Thank you so much.” Kimball smiled. “It’s no problem.”

When they walked out Wash felt his heart might burst. He’s not sure he’s seen Tucker this incredibly happy since there wedding day. “Wash this is it, we can be dads!” Wash smiled. “In a year or so yes, we can.” Tucker nodded, calming himself down. “Right. Of course. I don’t want to overwhelm you. I’m just excited. I can’t wait to see you being a dad.” Wash blushed but looked away. “Let’s go. We both have work to do.”

While they separated for their own work and tasks Wash snuck away to see Dr. Grey.

He knocked on her lab door. “Come in!” Her cheery voice said. He opened the door and walked inside.

She turned, smiling. “Ah. Agent Washington, what a nice surprise! Is this about the babies? Because I have a lot of ideas.” Wash gave her a look. “How did you know we were talking about that?” “I just so happen to have little birdies that tell me things.” She paused. “Kimball told me.”

He nodded. “Alright. Well that’s not what I came down here to talk about. I came to ask, do you still have Felix’s head and helmet?” “Yes. Everything is still perfectly preserved.” “Would it be possible if I saw it? Or even spoke to it?” She grinned. “I see what you’re doing! You think that by facing one of the men that hurt you you can start healing.”

He let out a breath. “Yeah. I know it won’t be a cure-all but I still feel like it would help.” “Of course. Just let me know when you want to and I can pop it out of the freezer!” “Thank you. I’ll let you know when I’m ready. I have to go back to work. Thank you for your time.” “Anytime Wash! And don’t forgot to talk to me about the babies!”

Later that night, when Tucker and Wash were both tired from training new people, Tucker making dinner in their little kitchen. Or attempting to, he’s never really knew how to cook. Wash made sure he started off with an easy recipe of Spaghetti. As Tucker stirred the noodles Wash spoke up, leaning against the counter. “Dr.Grey still has Felix’s head.”

Tucker stopped, looking at him worriedly. “How would you even know that?” “Because I asked her.” “Ok. Why?” “Keep stirring, the noodles will stick.”

Tucker kept stirring but continued to talk. “Answer my question please. Why are you asking about him?” Wash let out a breath. “Because, from research says, that those who are abused can heal better if they confront their abusers. Although it technically doesn’t fall under that category, it’s basically the same concept of catharsis.” “Ok, you lost me. What’s catharsis mean?”

  
“It means healing through intense pain. Basically I would confront his head and try and get out everything I’ve felt about him and what he’s done. It might hurt, I might have a meltdown that sends me into the medbay but it can still be very helpful in healing.”

Tucker nodded. “So basically just get out all your pain in one big go?” “I guess. Yeah.” “If you really want to do this I’m in.” “Really?” “Yeah. Anything you think will help I’m all for. So when are you doing this?” Wash shrugged. “Whenever I’m ready I suppose. I just have to let Dr. Grey know ahead of time.” Tucker nodded, getting a fork to test the noodles. He bit into one and nodded, handing the fork to wash. “How’s that?”

Wash bit it with a smile. “Not bad for a first time cook. Strain them and I’ll get the sauce ready.”

It was days Wash thought about Felix’s head in Dr. Greys lab and hours over if he was ready or not. After nearly a week of thinking he had enough. When they were done with their work Wash told Tucker. “I think I’m ready to face Felix.” Tucker tensed, looking at him from his spot on the couch. “Are you sure?” “Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to face him, living or not.”

Tucker nodded. “Ok. Shoot Grey an email or something and let her know.” Wash nodded, getting his tablet and opening the email section up, writing it out and sending it with a heart beating as hard as drum. She emailed back.

“Great! Be here in a half hour!”

He sighed, feeling his hands start to shake. Tucker reached out, holding one. “Hey. We got this.”

So far the worst part is waiting. Waiting for the half hour to be up while she prepares whatever it is.

Once the half hour was up, they walked to Dr. Greys lab. She was waiting outside the doors. “Hello and welcome!” Wash gave her a look. “That’s a bit cheery for this.” “I know! I just so excited! To be honest I’ve never really gotten to use my psyche Phd, never had the time so I’m excited to actually get some use out of it. I mostly got it because I was board and didn’t find a job in my field.” Tucker raised an eyebrow. “So you got a PhD. In psychology because you were board?” “Yep! Now let’s step right in and start this.” She opened the door and lead them to the morgue where the helmet and head were.

She had them sitting on an exam table, side by side. Wash tensed when he saw the helmet, that face. The cold of the morgue wasn’t helping. He kept forcing away flashbacks, reminded of that cold cell.

She was a bit more quiet, going off to the side. “If you need anything or want to stop, just let me know and I’ll put everything away.” Wash swallowed his growing anxiety, his hands visibly shaking. “Thank you.”

He looked over at Tucker was also off to the side, but close enough he can get to him quickly if he needs it. He just gave him a small smile, cheering him on, as he always did. “Go on. Tell that bastard off.”

Wash sighed shakily, walking closer, forcing himself to stare at that pointed helmet, he will never forgot that orange and black color scheme. “I’m…i..” He didn’t know how to start. He sighed. “This is stupid. It’s an inanimate object. And he’s just a head.” Tucker walked over to him. “Ok, well if he were really here, at our mercy, what would you say to him?”

Wash thought about his words, looking between the cold floor and Felix’s helmet. “I would say that I’m never going to be the same again.” “Good. What else?” “That it feels like he ruined my life. I may not be able to have sex with my own husband ever again because of him.” Wash said, his voice getting thicker, a little angrier. Tucker nodded. “Tell him that. He’s here, in this room, right in front of you. Tell him everything.”

Wash turned, feeling all his anger at Felix, all his pain bubble it’s way up. “You are the worst person I have ever met. If you opened a dictionary and looked up the word monster. You would be there. I am never going to be the same again because of you. Because of what you did.” He swallowed the lump that grew in his throat, his voice nearly breaking with every word.

“I just want to be happy. But you keep haunting me, like a fucking demon I can’t exorcise. I just want to be happy, I want to have sex with my husband, I want to live in peace and I can’t! Because of you!”   
He reacted before he could think, reaching and grabbing Felix’s helmet and throwing it against the wall as harshly as he could.

He felt satisfaction go through him when he saw the visor split. He walked over and picked the helmet up, bashing it against the wall again and again, panting and nearly sobbing as he experienced his meltdown. It wasn’t until it was a bunch of orange and black bits of plastic and armor that he realized what he did. When he spoke, he sounded more like a child thinking they’re in trouble. His voice wobbled. “Dr. Grey, was that ok? Was his helmet any kind of important evidence?” “Nope! That case was long done and we’ve only kept it because we were weren’t sure what to do with it but this was a much better use than throwing it away!”

Wash nodded but was going into a panic attack, hyperventilating with a few sobs trying to escape. Tucker ran over, kicking away broken plastic as he embraced Wash, engulfing him in his arms. “I got you, you’re safe. You did it.” Wash just sobbed in his arms, holding onto him like a lifeline;. His life preserver in an angry ocean.

Once Wash calmed down, Tucker brought him into her office to sit, still holding him. “How you feeling now?” Wash swallowed, his voice feeling rough from his episode. “Drained. Like I could sleep for twelve hours. Do you think it worked? Do you think I’ll be fixed now?” He asked, voice Becoming thick again. Tucker just kissed his head. “You’ll be just fine. And if not, you know I’ll be here.” Wash nodded, feeling sleep overtake him. 


End file.
